Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Aaj ki Taaza Khabar

A few days ago, One of my friends said, "I have enrolled for PDP already."
I was like dumb-struck. Whats that, i thought to myself, and pointed the same to my friend.
She was eqaully shocked, and replied after a pregnant pause, 'Personality Development Programme..!!'
And within 3 days, I find myself enrolling for the same. PDP. Lols. :))

Now I must tell you, This is just the right thing I could do at this stage. GD/PI sessions wont be easy unless I begin preparing for them much in advance. Hope to live upto the hard work it requires... :)

Now this is not the only major event of the day that was Dec 16, 2008!!
While Brushing in the morning, (err.. or may be, afternoon :-s ) The remains of One of my teeth came out. I was not surprised, It had happened to me once before... :P
The Fruit & Nuts and The Chocolate chip biscuits are doing their job finally. I just hope I dont have to use a teeth set soon. God, its Scary! :O

Now Coming to the 3rd and quite an intriguing event. As I came out from My Coaching Institute, I saw an outlet of Cafe Coffee Day on the opposite side of the road.
Now there's something with the CCDs that frighten me beyond beliefs. I've dared to visit Pizza Hut, I now find it quite okay to sit between those Coolly dressed Youngsters at Mcdonalds. But wonder whats with CCD that I never dare to step its threshold. I feel this sense of awe when I look at the people inside. They belong to the Elite group. THE ELITE group. And They look every bit of it... :)
I am not from as high a strata, so there's this strange kind of fear. Fear of being tackily dressed, Fear of talking in Hindi to The Guy at the counter, Fear of being embarrased for not knowing ANY item on the Menu. :)
As I was walking besides it, I could see through the glass ceiling. I could see all those pretty faces holding the stylishly crafted Mugs, sipping Coffee as if all the Coffee beans in the world would be destroyed by next morning. I felt a sense of looking upto (I was literally looking upto them, as they were on a platform a bit higher :)) ) them.
One day, I wish to be as Self-dependent and Rich that I can confidently step into any outlet of CCD and order for the costliest drink on the other side of the counter. :)

I am not being too ambitious or anything. Just hope that One day, I find myself in that ELITE group, that the Glass ceiling breaks someday. ;)

Monday, December 15, 2008

Clean Bowled!

Life is full of Ironies. Tarun, one of my room-mates has Computer ever since I am sharing room with him (and thats 4 months, haan ??)
But its only now that I have discovered this game on his System, and I am addicted like hell! Its sheer wrong timing, but I cant control myself. Gawd! :((

However, I found this very apt connection in the way I approach Cricket (this game I mentioned :P) and the way I face Life. When I was playing yesternite, I realised the level of difficulty was Low. And soon, I was mostly going for Boundaries and Sixes. I hardly tried to take singles or doubles. This is the reason why I lost my wickets most of times - trying to attack when I was meant to defend. I myself was wondering about How impatient I actually am.

There's this uncanny similarity here. In my life too, I cant wait for good things to come. I am as restive. And yea, I guess in my life too, The level of difficulty is very low. (At the Cost of sounding Highly Immodest, I think I am quite Intelligent that makes it low for me)
But still, I make the least of it, thanks to my lack of ability to work hard and restlessness. :((

Anyways, enough of Self-praising and Self-bashing. Time for some breaking news about my life. ;)

I just realised I have become sort of an outcast. :)) For my outrageously 'Negative' conduct at my Second home FF. May be Thats not wrong either. Other members comment because they want to satisfy their hunger for expression of thoughts, not to have contradictions (that too, Derogatory, may be :O )
But by contradicting them, I too am expressing my thoughts only, na ?? As long as I am not doing it at Gun-point, I really dont know what is wrong there :O

One of my friends said that I was wrong in doing that with my friends too. I really am amazed to see someone feel that the contradiction of opinion and its expression should be avoided if the people involved are friends. We became Friends because of the same place, na ?? Because of the same topic, same point of interest ..!!
Then Why shut our mouths if we see ourselves disagreeing with our friends ??

I did whatever I did, thinking Our Debates on movies will be kept aside from our friendship. Alas, that was not the case.

Anyways, it doesnt matter now anyways. I've left that place now. I realised thats the only way for me to not distract the positive film-lovers and stay in my ivory towers, and let them stay in theirs.

Anyways, Thats all from Me for now. Hope You guys enjoyed reading. Catch ya sometime later. Chao!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Revisiting Mistakes....

Its been 2 weeks, and See my guts, I am not ashamed a bit to write that I hardly studied all these days. Shamelessness ka example no. 2 - My semester exams are from next friday. And to think that I hope to get in a really nice college for my PG. Lols. :D

And actually, This is not what makes me all this frustrated. The fact that The well-reputed bug of 'Tension' or 'Anxiety' doesnt seem to find me. I am as relaxed as I was on the eve of Diwali. I am treating Life as a never-ending Vacation, and the scariest part is - ITS NOT!!

And then There are awards coming up at FILMI FREAK - Year has ended, So many new threads have to be made, So much to be done, and I will have my exams for those exact 2 weeks. :((

I wont curse Life like before as It has given me too good times in the recent past to even think of a word of grudging. I dont know why I am not studying at all. Firstly, I dont feel like holding books, and The fact that I follow my heart mostly makes this case a sheer impossible one. Despite realising the need for a change, I havent been able to go for it.

Dec 19 is the date when My BBA Exams start, On 21 I have SNAP Test and as soon as My exams end, I gotta join some GD/PI classes to prepare for the selection rounds of all those so-called 'Prestigious' Institutes for my further studies. I would otherwise give a damn to them, but kya karen, My life somewhat depends on them unfortunately. :O

Another unfortunate incident happened an hour ago. I was angry with a friend of mine, although over a small issue. When My room-mates came to me and warned me for my careless attitude towards exam, I shooed them away saying I know where I stand and I dont need any advice. Occasions like these are when I really wish my temper was a li'l less short. :((

None the less, Being the ridiculously relaxed guy that I am, I dare to hope against hopes, yet again, that I manage to open my books and actually get some of its content make its way to my brain.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

A random thought...

Felt really weak to face the reality for once. Really ashamed about the state of my general awareness. But for that one moment a little while ago, I Didnt wanna face or have the courage to face the sad reality about my Potential. Sorry (I know u r reading this)

Life has not yet come back to track, Guys! Gotta pull up my socks. Hope to do it soon. Chao!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Back! Yet again.... Lols

So finally I am back to where I belong!
Since last 8 days, I am reading books, watching movies galore, eating my fav. goodies whenever i want, fooling around my small rented flat etc etc. In short, basking in the success of what initially seemed like an inevitable Qayamat.

Honestly, I just appeared in CAT, hoping I am not forced to be ashamed later. But I guess this are times when all your friends' best of luck SMSes truly work and God, seeing so many wishes for you, decides to come down and lend his support all by himself.

The whole post-CAT period has been simply unbelievable. After initial uncertainty about my Scores, The signs are roaringly positive. As each day passed, I realised I wasnt so pathetic afterall.

By now, I am pretty sure I havent done bad in CAT. and what the heck, some of the websites even claim I have some very good chances at some of the better colleges in the country after the IIMs. And to think that I hadnt studied for a month before CAT. Gosh!

Mummy still good-humouredly scolds me and tells me that if I did so nicely without studying much, How well I could have done If I'd studied more. But I know this isnt true. I know It my entirely my destiny. I know I had all my luck with me for those 2.5 hours, and that came because for some reason, God was indeed very happy with me. :)

I just hope he is happy with me for the next few months atleast, because this is gonna be a make-or-break period. I will make sure I dont hurt any soul on this planet, that can make him detach from me... hehe :D

Actually, This may not be such a big thing for many as I am making it out to be. 86 %ile. Ask some of those who aim for FMS or XLRI and they will spit on my score. But I am really content, more so considering My pathetic preparation and How well I was (or actually, wasnt!) prepared for this.

At the same time, I have also realised Life can be much more wonderful, provided I get on my toes soon and prepare myself completely for the times ahead. Otherwise, Life is not gonna be easy.

Life has been pretty nice to me in last 10 days. Though I had a few low moments too, for e.g. I had this big issue with a friend over a really silly matter (difference of opinion on a film of all things... lols). Just hope Things dont stay as bitter as they are presently.

Also, I spent almost as much money in last 10 as I do in the entire month. This is really very embarrasing, esp. when I will need a lot of money in the near future... :((
And then there is this nerve-wrecking unpredictability of the results. And I am not able to handle it, really.

However, There's lot more to come. Much more hard work, much more anxiety and hopefully, Lot more Contentment. :)

So after a long self-imposed holiday, I am back to Life! Hope to stay as lively here too. Cheers! ;)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Ek aakhri Koshish....

What an irony! I come back to my Blog, but only to mention that I will be off for a few more days.... Uff !!

Before Diwali, I was waiting for Life to show some ray of hope, some light. And after Diwali, I am amazed by the amount of Light I've been brought to see. Lols.

Diwali vacation was an absolute treat. I had no other thought and spent all my time with my family. And somehow, I really enjoyed thinking about this fact that I had all the time only for my Mummy and Naani.

Well, Those who know me well know that My idea of enjoying starts and ends with Movies. So What i Did this Diwali was to show all the good recent films which Mummy and Naani hadn't seen. And that included Rock On, A Wednesday, Mumbai Meri Jaan, Bachna Ae Haseeno and as a bonus feature NO SMOKING! :D :))

And then, all I had to do was trigger off a discussion, counterpointing their opinion. And off we were on a never ending debate, that would be ever-accompanied with loud voices and direct attacks. Where do you guys think I got my stubbornity and argumentative skills from ?? :P

And actually, It wasnt just this. I was really 1enjoying and feeling very relieved, very relaxed. It was such a relief from all the heck I was suffering over here. And when D-Day came of leaving back to Indore, I wasnt interested. I didnt wanna leave. I had an inkling I'd again be surrounded with same tensions and all, which I didnt want to.

No wonder I fell ill the very day I came back. Though I did have slight fever when I was leaving, I had no idea it'd would reach heights. I went on to have viral that lasted around a week. There was a time (unfortunately around my Birthday) that I was so weak that I wasnt even able to walk on my own propoerly. It was really sad to see myself in such a state. But Also good to see myself back in form, to my normal self! :)

CAT is just 3 days away, and I practically studied nothing. Its entirely a hopeless case now, but I dont wanna come out of that Hall totally down, depressed discouraged etc. So Here's giving a final shot at what is gonna be the ULTIMATE DAY in the lives of so many Indians.

There's something that gives me a feeling all's not gonna be that bad. Dunno, but kuch positive vibes aa rahi hain. :) And I hope it comes out true.... ;)

So I will give a final try, and my best. For these 3 days atleast. So will be off till the 16th of Nov. And When i come back, I hope You get to read a positive note.... ;)

Have so much to write, and time is so less. Hope to make up for all this when i come back. Chao....

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Yaaron.. Main to Chalaaaaa

So finally I am on my way to home. Honestly, I have never been so-damn excited for a vacation. But I guess this time, these holidays for me decided to take themselves a bit too literally.

I just need a goddamit break. Break from everything that has got me all scared and tense since last 10 days. A break from my frustration routine of how I while away my days so-not-constructively. a break from days like the last 3 ones when I am feeling ill and dont even wanna be better. In short, A break from this whole disapproving ambience.

Same bloody calls. Same bloody Questions. Same bloody desire to tear your hair apart in sheer frustration. Why is it so tough for some to understand that Friends should be let themselves for once. Ahh leave it!

I just need a break from all these. I wonder if its really that tough for the one up there, or he's just plain adamant to punish me at once for all the wrong deeds I have ever done in my life.

Diwali is the festival of lights. Somehow, I have an inkling this Diwali will certainly lighten up my life, as its actually supposed to. And mind you, I am not talking about those noisy fire-crackers!

Yesternite, I had this great G.D. session with my room-mates over the famous battle of Money and Principles. In short, all of us got to thrash each other openly in good humtour (with a tinge of sarcasm though) and I must say, I had a Bash. Somehow, My fever also cooled down by the time I went to bed. Thank u, Rahul and Tarun. I must say You could have opted for Medical too. :P

Life has not changed much since the last time I visited this page. I felt so many times in these 5 days like just writing whatever i want to. But the Super-Tornado struck me at the right time, And It made me come to a state where I just wanted to be free of any thoughts, let alone try to jot down my thoughts on this alter-ego url address, namely split-persona.blogspot.com.

CAT is coming nearer and nearer, and I hardly seem interested in studying. Though i never aimed for it either, But I guess it'd have been much more pleasant if I was decently prepared till Nov 16 too. Lets hope I encounter the desired status on Dec 21 atleast.

However, FILMI FREAK has sincerely helped me remain attached to my crazy Movie thoughts. Every day, I read some zany comments and meet some outrageous people with as-different-as-i-can-get-from-u views. And it only strengthens my belief that Different People have Different Perceptions. I guess I just as well may end up updating my other blog too. Do check it out my later tonite.

I guess I have blabbered enough for now. By the way, This was the first time I wrote a post on an impromptu basis, and didnt i Enjoy it ?? :D


Sunday, October 19, 2008

Thodi si padhai, dher saara time waste. I didnt find a reason to blog for last 6 days, as my life strictly moved in sync with those two phrases all these while.

Life cant be just spent by thinking what should be done and what not to be done. One has to get up from his bed, go away from the Laptop and Just do it!
But then, I also realised its no use going yawk yawk at this place about all my misgivings, esp. in case if they are the same every day. :)
So I hope to have something really noteworthy in my life in the coming few days which I will be glad writing about. Lets hope atleast the feel-good ambience of Diwali does its job. :)

Till then, all of you take care and try to waste as less time of your life as possible. :)


Monday, October 13, 2008

Just a random one ;)

Feeling really crappy as I wasted yet another day.. just like that. These sundays really dont wanna be liked and make sure I hate them like anything. Grrr....
Life is anyways full of things which I'd love to do, but fail to do time n again. So Here's a random list of things I wanna do right now.

1. Eat a lot of chocolate. Feeling damn hungry you know, as I mostly do at night... lols
2. Call all my school mates, and tell them that I do miss them at times. :)
3. Watch a solid movie, and enjoy it with the best of my self-indulgence... ;)
4. Forget all the worldly tension about the nearing CAT exam which may just as well clash with my semester exam dates! Gawd...

And ya, I also wanna kill all the ants in the world, thanks to almost half of them who have invaded my study table and right now are playing all over my Laptop Key-board! (God knows what ever attaracted them to a place like this!)

But since My college is re-opening tomorrow after a vacation of 6 loooooooong days, I wonder if I will really dare to do any of these, even if I get a chance. Dont wanna bunk my College anymore ; not for the next 2 weeks atleast.. till Diwali. :D


Saturday, October 11, 2008


I felt as if I have been sent miles away from my beloved. Oh gosh, How i missed my internet connection for last 36 hours!

My net had somehow stopped working since yesterday, and though I didnt have all that much work through net, I still missed my daily routine. Yesterday, After eons, I paid visit to a Cyber cafe. and trust me, It felt really frustrating to sit in those crampy seats struggling with the damaged keyboard and hanging systems.

It was only a few hours earlier that I found out that My net connection was barrd due to non-payment of a bill, that cost me more than my monthly expenses! I knew I went a li'l overboard this month, but this much ?? :O

To my company were some really soulful songs. Some romantic, while some ruthlessly true-to-life. I had a jolly good time getting Nostalgic after a long long time, but that also made me miss one of my closest friends at school. Aah, never mind. :)

Anyways, Life is back to its common route now. I cant dare to write how i spent my last 2 days and one night, as that would remind me of how frivolously careless I am becoming with each passing day. Sorry... :(

However, I did some more of a long-impending work. Hope to finish it by the scheduled date I've fixed. Rest is all fine.

Me going back to my books now. Even they must have missed me, though honestly I didnt! :D


Monday, October 6, 2008

Bas itna sa Khwab Hai...

Just a quick update on A thought that struck me a while ago when I was having my dinner with my room-mates.

Offlate, I have acquired this habit of putting the music on while having my meals, esp. in the night. This night too, I was quietly having my dinner as Tarun, the more restless and bragging of my two room-mates began talking about another of his endless future Business schemes. This time, it was about the launch of a brand in the market of Laundry chain, or if possible a chain of service for house-keeping and stuff. God knows where does he get such ideas from. And although I was nodding in accord, I was more interesting in my Paranthas.

Just then came to my relief an evergreen song. It was "Mere angne mein" from Laawaris (I hope it doesnt need an introduction. Does it ?? :O)

Now there's something about this song that I just can't resist. Either Its the charismatic aura with which Amitabh actually performed, or just the entire fun He seemed to be having while singing it, I always get carried away and find myself imitating BIG B's baritone.

As my dear roomie Tarun was going on and on about How He would like to be known as a Brand and gain unprecedented goodwill all over the country, I was relishing my recollection of the Video of the song, where BIG B entertains his guests to the hilt.

A very disturbing yet intriguing thought hit me. I was so self-indulged in my own world, that I hardly paid heed to what Tarun was blabbering. Give me a thought about My fav. Movies, and a damn to the rest of the world then. I would like to have my peace of mind by watching BIG B doing a drag, rather than planning out financial reports for some machievellan organisations.

Sometimes i wonder If I am exaggerating about my passion for Movies. There must be millions of them like me, I tend to think time & again. And I know that can also be interpreted as sheer laziness to do better but more pain-staking things in life. But whatever it is, I wil anyday (only god knows if bravely or foolishly) choose to be with Movies rather than Masterminds. Thats all i need. Hope I get a chance to do so, without making my close ones conclude that I am just Good-for-nothing. :)


Sunday, October 5, 2008

Baat samjha Karo

Sundays are the worst day of the week, I tell you. When you wake up, they whisper naughtily in your ears, "Just chill, yaar. You have got the entire day".
And Just when You have realised You have chilled a bit too much, they scream at you in front of everyone "I told u na, You are a hopeless fellow. Cant even make use of Sunday. Good-for-nothing."
No wonder Its given a cold shoulder and ousted by all the working days from their group. And I dont think I need to say anything more on how my day has been as yet. :(

Sometimes I feel if I will ever realise how grossly I am wasting my time. There is so much to be done, and I dont mean studies only.

During my Nap in the afternoon, I had this collage of dreams ranging from the weirdest of events to close-to-life ones. In one of them, Mummy just caught me dilly-dallying with my studies and I lied to her convincngly enough. I wonder how many times by now I have done in reality.

Offlate, I have realised I have somehow regained that snob quality which I used to have in my school days. Now-a-days whatever I do anything for anyone, I feel i have done a big favour on others and start acting Arrogantly. Dunno whats wrong with me.
Also , after an economic week or so, I am back to my extra-vagant self. In last 3 days, I have spent 10 times as much as i did in 4 days prior to that. :O
Not very good signs, esp. considering There are so much heavy-duty expenditure to be done in the near future.

Anyways, I just had a walk and am feeling much better. Will finally go to study now. Hope not to be distracted by anything or anyone for next 3 hours atleast. :)


Friday, October 3, 2008


It seems as if Someone has punched it with all the Power He's ever had. The right ear is paining like hell. It seems as I have become half-deaf. I can hardly hear anything from that ear. And that feeling itself makes me restless like anything.
And like everyday, Fate has managed to fetch me one reason for not studying. :((

I am trying my best to divert my mind, But that feeling of an ear being closed makes me so damn uncomfortable. I fail to concentrate on anything.
I wont have any Doctors at this hour of the day to entertain me. And till the Morning, I gotta suffer that feeling come what may. I dont have a choice either. :((

Earlier in the day, I finally summed up all the to go to College and deliver my long impending Presentation. And guess what, Our dear Teacher choose not to come to our class today. Aaj ka hi din mila tha use!

And what the heck! Just a while ago, We got a call from the Tiffin centre, who too refused to provide the meal for tonite.
I certainly had no mood or condition to go out and eat. So in sheer haste and Frustration, I called up Pizza Hut and Ordered for something.
Its only later when I realised it costs me nothing less than Rs. 250. Gawd. :((

After finishing my Pizza, I plan to go back to My studies, and hope that I manage to do that sincerely. Without thinking even once about that Right ear.


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Char ka Chamatkaar

Someone told me Tags are the best way to distress yourself. So considering the lull I'm going through, I decided to give it a shot. ;)

Four Jobs I've had in my life
1. Calculator
Mummy has been a teacher ever since I could understand. So preparing report cards of her class students has been just another season for her every year.
And by the time I was 12, My calculation skills were well known in my circle. So Mummy decided to take some help to save her energy, as I earned my first salary - by tallying the marks and calculating the Percentage in the Report cards. 50 paise per Report card. :))
And i Must say, It wasn't bad. :D

2. Tutor
Now there were times when Mummy was too tired to handle so many students all at once. So I did tutor some of her junior students. Its no mean job, i must say. :P
And before you jump to any conclusions, I didnt charge for it... :d

3. Ravisa
Thanks to Divs sir, I got to do a job on a professional level before I'd graduated, so what if temporary. What more, They had to do with movies.
Those 3 months - from Jan to March 2008 were the turning point of my life, in every which way. I felt I was worth of doing something atleast. :)

4rth one - not as yet. :D

Four TV Shows I love to Watch
Coffee with Karan - Whats better than watching your fav. stars in one frame, other than the movies ??;)
Anything on MTV. :d
Great Indian Comedy Show (Twas such great fun at once, with Vinay Pathak and Ranvir Shorey marching the gags)
Indian Idol and all the Reality shows, for all the fun they provide - both intentionally and otherwise. :D

Four places I had lived (in chronological order)
In mummy's Womb, I guess.. :O
Vijayanagaram - I lived there till I was 3. So dont expect me to jot down any memory.
Bhatapara - a very very small town near Raipur, the capital of Chattisgarh, where I Spent almost my entire childhood and teenage.
Indore - Have been here for more than 2 years by now, in the affairs of my so-called graduation. Needless to say, Another experience which taught a few many things. :)

4 places I have been on a Holiday
Ooty, Kodaikanal etc.
Pendra road

While the first two were the part of my school trips, Chennai came along when I had this family holiday with my parents almost 12 years ago.
While Pendra Road is again a very small town near Amartantak, where My Uncle was posted. I spent all my school holidays from 2000 to 2002 - be it Summer, Winter or Diwali - over there. :P

Four of my favourite Dishes
Luchi - Kaju do Pyaza
Malai Kofta
The standard south-indian breakfast items by Naani. ;)
A regular meal cooked by Mummy - Rice, Dal, and Potato Curry. :D

Four Websites I visit daily

Four places I'd rather be right now
My Accountancy Coaching classes
The outers of my town, with My best friend discussing life, love etc.
Times of India office
I better be back to my study table now. :P


Kitabein bahut si....

Assignments and Presentations are finally taking its toll on me. Before I can finish one, I am assigned another. And what the heck - I can hardly comprehend a word of what i am preparing.

CAT preparations, below-average scores in the Mock tests I treat myself with everyday, The fear of not having a sound G.K. and how it will affect my stand for admission in nice colleges, the pressure of 4 assignments at a time, and then, the fear of not being fully prepared when I'd speak in front of 50 peers excluding that Devlisih teacher all ready to bombard me with his Cross-Questioning...
My days pass like a comet as I just while away my time, thinking about all of these.

This makes me not attend any calls, and just avoid any sort of conversation with anyone. May be I feel too guilty to even face anyone. Wonder how i manage to keep all this aside when it comes to my online friends. Thanks, all of you... :)

Under sheer pressure and a fear of being embarrased, I plan to bunk my college tomorrow too, despite of being decently prepared for 2 of my assignments. I dunno why am i even letting this anxiety affect me so badly, but ultimately, IT IS!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Chhoti si baat - II

What an irony, that I undeliberately repeat my own words, which I said only 2 days ago.

"Just wonder how sometimes the smallest of things prove to be so damn dangerously capable of changing your mood and state-of-mind altogether."

The only difference is This time, it was towards positive.

I woke up this morning, at 7.45 (quite early from my standards). But I was in no mood to get up and go to College. The Cold was still quite strong, and I didnt wanna make myself heard in the class all day long through my sneezes.
But then, thanks to my roomie Tarun, I heard a number which brought me a bagful of memories in a moment.

"Hoshwalo ko Khabar kya
Bekhudi kya cheez hai
Ishq keeje phir samajhiye
Zindagi kya Cheez hai"

and before I could realise, I was humming it in my half-sleep mode. I suddenly got up from my bed, and felt quite fresh all of a sudden. Good enough to go to College. ;)

Hope my day passes as nicely. Amen. :)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Genelia in my dreams! Yet again! Whats her problem, man ??

Seems I should better learn to change my desktop wallpaper at regular intervals now... ;))
But with a Pic like this, How can anyone really do that yaar ?? :D

By the way, I woke up only now... thanks to my childish stubbornity. Still feeling a bit feverish... Bunked college... but This time, I certainly wont waste the entire day. Fingers crossed...

P.S. - And ya, This is my 2nd post in the day... Hehe :P

Chhoti chhoti si baat

Just wonder how sometimes the smallest of things prove to be so damn dangerously capable of killing your mood, and disturbing your state-of-mind completely.

Last night, For another of my pointless never-ending College assignments, I had woken up till 6 in the morning. Considering my standards, It was no mean feat for me to wake up till sun-rise for anything remotely connected to Studies. So I went to bed, feeling pretty happy about myself.

Only to wake up straight after 11, much later than the time the Lectures actually start. "11 Baj gaye hain. Even if you leave now, You can't make it to the 11.30 class, buddy. Rehne de.", said Rahul sleepily as He twisted in his bed.

Its only now when I realised Rahul too had bunked his college, for some legitimate reasons though (Poor guy's leg was aching badly).

I felt sort of cheated, by fate - yet again! "I work hard (so what if with regular breaks), and I dont even go to College at the end of it. WTF!!!" Feeling frustrated as I did ever, I went back to my bed, for I was still half-sleepy and had just 4.5 hrs of my restless peace as yet.

I finally woke up only at 1, feeling completely devastated. I felt bad about missing College for a change. And somehow, Everything just seemed to be out-of-place ever since.

And if anything was left to happen, I caught up fever big time. Its not very often that I fall sick. And even when I do, Its not anything severe as such. But it seems fate had all its moves planned at the most apt of occasions. I fell asleep at 3.45. Yes i did! (for those of you who believe anything is possible), only to wake up around 6.

I did study a bit my pre-SS ( Sleep sessions.. :P ), and also after that. But seems Sept 23 was unwavering obstinate to be a bad day. So God knows what went into my mind, that I stopped studying after 6.45.

The rest of my day (and that includes 236 minutes of Sept 24) were spent in reading the blogs of a few anonymous souls. Some black, Some white ( both literally and figuratively! ), while Some touched a chord just right! For some bloody reason, I just wanted to devoid of the same 'ole crappy tensions I'd been going through. So what better than to peek into others' thoughts for a change ??

Its only at 4 in the morning that I finally feel a bit relieved, and somehow, even the fever seems to have evaporated thankfully. But its indeed sad that Yet another day of my life vroomed away... JUST LIKE THAT!

Now its not as If It was wasted entirely. I did catch up on my CAT sheets for a while, not to mention the addition of a few more words to be vocab. And what more, got to experience the alien-but-beautiful world of Bloggers some more.

But How I wish it also had some more of What should actually be the Most time-taking thing in my life right now - Studies.

Monday, September 22, 2008

I feel a grenade-sized lump in my throat as my room-mate Rahul puzzles himself even more in those self-complicated Questions from sheets provided by PT Education for his CAT prep. The very thought of sitting in the Competitive exams with the kind of preparation I have right now scares the shit out of me. I hardly have 2-3 months anyways.
"This is damn tough job, buddy... and aise nahi chalega" - the very-current thought in my mind as I type this.

All day long, I just struggled with those looooong mind-numbing RC passages, trying hard to find any sense in them. By the end of it, I seemed to have lost whatever sense of reasoning I ever had.

Here's an excerpt from the thrashing I got a while ago from - MYSELF!

"This all can't be that tough, can it ? Come on yaar! When thousands of other worthless jerks can do it, Why can't you ??
Whats wrong with you anyways ? You were never such a dumb asshole either! Come on yaar, Whatever happened to all those claims for being capable of doing all this.... JUST LIKE THAT. I know You are not this bad, as Your performance till now make you out to be... But Dont expect to carry it off with Farhan Akhtar crooning loud in your ears at the top of his voice. You gotta put in some serious efforts, maan!
Can't you just leave all these so-called worldly pleasures aside for the already-limited time span you dig yourself into those sheets ?? Your life sorta depends on it, damn it! Why don't u get this bloody fact into your brain ??"

Ya right! Why don't I get this ?? What ever could be wrong with me ?? I while my days away, half studying and half-singing along with my I-pod. And before I can realise, its dinner time! Even after my 2nd meal of the day, I choose to come online and waste my time some more.

Okay, I know, One gotta spare time for friends too. After all, You too need them, much more than probably they need you. But for that, You HAVE TO spend the rest of the day with those goddammit boring Questions to deserve to have some fun at the end of the day.
Days pass like a comet, and I just brood about the scary repercussions all this laziness and such a scarily irresponsible stand can have in the coming days (that may just not as well have an end to them)

Whats so impossible about "GIVING YOUR BEST", that I am just not able to do that ?? What does that mean at first place ?? Lemme give a shot....
Ummm.... Doing as much as You can ? To the best of your ability ??
Ya I guess thats what it means.

What is it with GIVING YOUR BEST, that I am just not able to come to it ?? Why do i distract myself on my own, and then regret it later ??

Throughout my life, I did what I wanted to.
The times havent changed now either, but I aint even doing what I should do, that will help me do What i eventually want to.

Okay, I know, and I re-realised just now, that this is going nowhere and I am resorting to write all crap yet again. So I shall sign out now, hoping for the nth occasion that I soon realise how crucial this studies part in this otherwise 'I-can-be-beautiful-too' life REALLY is.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Mad About You!

A small update about One naughty thing I did just now. ;)

I am sure You all must be getting innumerable SMSes like "Dont break the chain", "Send this to 9 people, otherwise You will fail in exam" and all silly stuff. This evening just when I was about to leave for dinner, I got one SMS that read as follows...

"Today at Midnight ur true love wil realise that he/she cant live without u. Send this to 9 people even me. n something good will happen 2 u at 10.00-2.00. Dont ignore"

Now I certainly dont buy such stupidity usually, but The fact that I wished something so dearly only yesterday, and I got a chance to contribute towards it the very next day. :P
To add to the fact that this SMS came from HER, made me believe somehow that If I follow this chain for once, It may just as well come out true. ;) :)

I was waiting for my clock to show 10. But As luck would have it, I got a call around 9.45 and forgot about it completely.
A while ago, at 2.30, It suddenly struck my thoughts. I didnt know what to do. It was past 2, and I lost my chance to make it possible, if all these things really happen et al. :((

But I really didnt wanna regret this for all my life. So Guess what I did! I changed the time in the SMS from 2.00 to 3.00 and sent it to 9 people immediately, including H. :P ;)

Now I dont know If it all this really happens or not, But I certainly did my Best. :)

Silly it may seem, But What can i do ?? I didnt wanna keep thinking about it and regret not following that stupid chain for once. :P

Amen! :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Jahan tu Mere Saath hai.. :)

It seemed like an early morning - Cloudy, yet fresh. I was in a Taxi, when this Sweet lady came and sat besides me. She was not a stranger. She was my Best friend. I had loved her always, But I thought she gave a damn to my feelings. And since Last few days, There was a sense of discomfort between us.

Now comes the shocker no. 1 - Her face resembled that of Genelia. Yes, you read it right! The Jaane tu fame.... This girl's face was exactly the same. But by the way I responded to her, It couldnt have been a Film star for god's sake. She was someone familiar, someone really close with whom I seemed to be somewhat upset.

For those of you who are wondering what the hell Genelia is doing in my taxi, keep reading. And ya, if you want it to be entertaining, Just imagine Genelia in real. ;)
To all those who run away from long posts, This is Your moment! Shoot. :P

For the Rest, Please go on with the best of your patience, as There are chances You may feel bored. ;))

Back to the topic....
Just when The taxi started, She tried to speak. I deliberately avoided her. However, My heart stopped beating a sec when I heard those 3 words!"I Love You, Harsh. I really do. I have realised I can't live without you. Just wanted to say this"

Bas. Thats it. I suddenly fell weak in my knees. I turned to her, but before I could say anything to her, The taxi stopped and She moved out. Goes with saying, I came out too and followed her. As I realised she is not paying attention to me, I began saying "Come on, yaar. You know I've always loved you, dont you ??" Though i couldn't see her face, I could imagine her smiling and deriving pleasure by doing this nakhras. She wanted me to confess it to her once, and what the heck, Even I didnt mind it! :d

After a while, I finally moved closer to her as I held her hand. As i had expected, She was mischieviously smiling when She turned around. That somehow brought a smile on my face too. Smilingly, I Said "I know You enjoy doing this, But I just hope you realise how much I really care for You. Its been one really long period - We lost touch due to reasons more than one. But I have realised I can't with do with you, atleast not contently. Just be with me."

As I said these words, She broke down. However, She also had this big smile on her face, as her eyes twinkled with tears. I just nodded as She came close and hugged me tight. That feeling of being selflessly loved by anyone, was What made me break down into tears that very moment. I knew I had someone whom I loved, who Loved me, without any expectations, and We'd be happy with each other... forever! :)

Sounds outright crazy, right ?? Genelia. in my arms! I must be in my dreams!
Now to tell you the truth, I surely WAS in my dreams, and I realised this only a few seconds later as I was literally kicked by my room-mate who I think really cherished his style of informing me it was 7.30 in the evening. :d :P
Now You'd wonder, Whats this connection of seeing Genelia in your dreams, even if the dream is to do with Finding soul-mate et all ?? Now I guess the post's gonna be really long.
The story goes backs to The first year of My College. I was alone, didnt have many friends at College, was getting more boring by every day, and what more, I was rejected by the girl whom I loved so dearly - lets call her H. "No. Its not possible, Harsh. Just forget it" - I couldnt forget her words so easily. Although We were still good friends, but I certainly had lost all hope of being "The one" in her life.
It was May 2007 When I saw this telugu film ‘Bommarillu’. I really loved the film. But more than anything, I struck a chord with its Protagonists for the sole reason that I could see Myself and H in them. I was amazed at the way the film unfolded almost every chapter of My equation with H over last couple of years with striking similarity.
I particuarly fell in love with this Girl who played the female Protagonist. Every gesture she made, Everytime She smiled, Every word she spoke, The way She spoke -She reminded me of H. Her name was Genelia, and I was in love with her already. :)
So what if H couldnt be mine ?? Genelia could certainly be, And She had made a place for herself in my Memories with this film. :)

An year later, Equations between H and I had changed to some extent. I had moved on somewhat, and certainly didnt long for H like before. I had made new friends. And I could sense that subtle jealousy H felt, whenever she'd hear of this. She wouldn't admit it I know, but she certainly missed me.

Just then a movie came, titled ‘Jaane tu Ya Jaane Na’. It captured the same old story of "Best-friends-not-realising-its-love". And guess who was its protagonist - Genelia!
Everytime Aditi felt jealous of Meghna, I was thinking of Her. Everytime Aditi felt sad at seeing Jai and Meghna together, I missed Her.

By the end of it, I was feeling too choked up with all the memories that decided to strike me back through this film.
And Genelia, as stupid as it may sound, had become an epitome of a perfect soul-mate in My eyes. She may be just an actress, who is a different self from these characters she played, But The kind of nostalgia value She offered was just too much to be overlooked. For me, She was her. The H who actually loved his Harsh. :)
How I wished My Aditi too realised it by the end of it that she loved me. ;)) :)
So No wonder I saw Genelia in my dreams, just the same day When I had broken up with two of the closest people in my life. :)

Now these two people are someone Who i met only in last one year. I always cared for them, and thought I'd have them as friends forever. I cared for them, they cared for me. We enjoyed each other’s company. What else did we need ??

Freedom is the word! I think We shouldnt allow this possessiveness to overtake this bonding, which makes us become insecure of them.
Honestly, I did get very close to these two persons. Very very close (esp. to one of them). And I accept it was me Who kinda encouraged them to get so close to me. They were my BEST FRIENDS. I trusted them, cared for them, and Was totally Honest to them.
But Just when it was the time to draw a line, I forgot my boundaries for a while, and they didn’t pay heed either.
Result – Your Best friends seem as if You own them, and start believing no one else has a right on him other than You.

Unfortunately, The same happened between Me and these two. I was just not able to make it sail through. And after a lot of agony and frustration, I decided to call it quits.

And thats when I really missed someone who loved me without so much of expectations. I am not asking her to be selfless, But Then She'd have complete trust on me which shall help her get rid of any such insecurities, if she ever felt et al.

And Thats when I started missing My School days badly. I'd meet her at the Bus stop every morning, chat with her in the Bus and then later at school between Classes. And then, every evening W'd meet up for tuitions. All that studies while enjoying. The nights would end with her SMSes, lingering in my thoughts for long after I switched the lights off. And Guess it, it all went without much of insecurites of either (after a few initial small fights, honestly :P ).
What else did i need from her ??

How I wish I had never gone away from Her. How I wish We never parted ways after College. But I guess This is the way Life decides to teach you lessons.
I know she is not gonna express her genuine feelings to me ever. I know She doesn’t love me as such either. I know We are not destined to be together. But deep down somewhere, I will miss her presence in my life… always.
Because Somewhere down my heart, I know She was the one - Who could be “The One”. No insecurity, No distrust, Just pure Bonding and a faith that We will be with each other… forever!

And isn’t it equally awe-inspiring, that A complete stranger like Abbas Tyrewala wrote a song, that seems as if was composed to give a voice to my thoughts at this very moment.

Kahin to Hogi who
Duniya Jahaan tu mere saath hai
Jahaan Main, Jahaan Tu
Bas tere Mere Jazbaat hai
Hoti jahaan, Subah teri
Palkon ki kirno se
Lori jahaan chand ki
Sune teri baahon mein

Jaane na Kahan who Duniya Hai
Jaane na who hai bhi ya Nahi
Jahan meri Zindagi Mujhse
Itni Khafa nahi


Saturday, September 13, 2008

Kismat Konnection!

These two days weren't earth-shattering as such, but made quite a difference never the less. I spent almost the entire Thursday in my College Campus waiting for the lazy officials of my College to go to the main university to bring the mark list and announce the result officially, only to be given some really lame excuses by them and asked to go back home.

Meanwhile, One of my class-mates gave me a ray of hope, saying sometimes the roll no. do appear in haphazard manner, and it isnt necessary that I am not among the pssing students.

The results were put up on notice board only today in the afternoon, and My hope remained a hope only. I HAD a back in a subject. The positive aspect here was - I had only ONE Back. hehe. But honestly, I had become so apprehensive for these two days,thinking about the possibilites of me having an year back. :O

This is when One realises the drawbacks of an excessively restless mind. :P

Now lemme come to the second major event. Veena, one of my close friends at College was going through a bad phase in her relation with Shankar, one of her closest friends, who was just getting a bit too possessive about her. On Thursday evening, I was just about to leave from College when Veena stopped me. When i asked her the purpose, She told me she wanted me to be there as She bids adieu to Shankar.

I was taken aback, as I certainly didnt wanna be a witness to a goodbye-forever meet. I still had to be there, for the fear of not letting her down once again, as She said I had begun doing since a couple of days.

Soon Shankar came, and Veena, as if totally made up her mind to part with him, began with the proceedings. As Veena started reminding Shankar of all the ways He had ever tried to dominate her actions and Shankar began his attempts at apologising, I was invariably reminded of one of the similar phase I went through with one of my closest friends. And before I had realised, I was pretty engrossed in their conversation, may be much more than they themselves were. for once, I didnt mind eavesdropping. ;)

Soon, I realised This time Veena was at the same place where I was a couple of days ago, and My my, She was speaking exactly my language! I was amazed and amused at the way Veena behaved so rudely with Shankar, as if to make him feel he doesnt matter at all. At the same time, i was feeling quite guilty of myself that may be It was all my influence on her. May be after interacting with me, She'd acquired this ability of being as rude as possible.

Shankar left after a while, pissed off with Veena's indifferent conduct with him. Soon, We left too and halted at a near-by Canteen to have something (We hadnt had anything since Morning, twas too long for me atleast! :d).

While I was non-chalantly munching on my noodles, Veena suddenly got up from her laid-back posture and said "You know, today is a important day for me, As I decided to make distance with 3 of the most important people in my life"

Surprised a bit, as I didnt have the clue about the other 2, I queried "Aur kaun ?"

"You and Aditya", pat came the reply.

Now well, I was surprised for sure. But having experienced much more shocking things than this, I almost failed to react. I just managed to ask in my trademark enquiring tone, "And how come ??"

"I have decided I wont be attached to anyone else now. I have seen how much everyone cares for my feelings. First I looked for a friend in Aditya, who chose to give a damn to my sentiments. And after a while, You too have started to take me for granted. And I have decided i dont need to take this shit from anyone anymore. And thats the main reason Why i decided to part from Shankar, as I didnt wanna be a slave to his wished either. And I have made up my mind, I will stay in my limits henceforth. So You needn't worry ab se. I have My Karan (Her boy-friend). I dont need anyone else"

She had a sarcastic smile as she said those final words. And I, as usual these days, was short of words but was quite surprised at the end of it all. I dunno If I felt bad, because I genuinely felt Veena was getting over-attached to me and needed a definite break from me. Because after College, It will only hurt her more when A time may come where We may not be even able to keep in touch as much as now.

I knew I was thinking selfishly there, but the truth is, even I need a break from bondings. They only end up pissing me off now. Infact, now I wonder why Friends get so possesive about you, that they cant even understand when You say you cant afford to spend time with them as before because at times, You HAVE to shift your gears to other priorities too.

And to think there was a time when i so badly wanted to be loved by someone. And when its coming to finally, I cant take it beyond a limit.

I tell you, Fate and its tricky games.

P.S. - Talking of fate, Its a sheer co-incidence isnt it, as this evening I was just checking if Punnu replied to my comment on his blog when I came across Ruchi's blog. And there I found a link to a site for english songs download, which fetched me songs I was looking for since ages.

And here am i, typing all this crap listening to my all-time Fav English tracks and revisiting my school days when I'd frantically search for these songs and put them on repeat mode at the highest volume possible, as Mummy would shout at the top of her voice from the adjoining room, louder than my songs, loud enough to break the Long mirror in my room. lols

Aah.. I guess too much on fate and Nostalgia. But its certainly not the right time. Some time later, may be... ;)


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Live Your Dream!! If Possible :)

After an enjoyable afternoon at College, where our Deptt. was celebrating teachers' day only today, I came back home only at 5.30 in the evening. Though the event made me have a lot of fun, thanks to its great performances and interesting games and contests with teachers, The final thoughts that were occupyinng my mind were something else.
I was particularly in awe of one of the Hosts. Now He was a first year student, yet he was so confident. And the way he interacted with teachers made me and my room mate Rahul feel ashamed of ourselves. We realised we hardly did any progress in our College since school days, and While we were coming back, We had this long discussion on how we should also try to develop our communication skills and also really get down to some serious studies without anymore dilly-dallying.

Coming back to room, I slept straight away. Around 7.45, Tarun, my second room-mate woke me up. When asked the reason, he exclaimed "Abe results aa gaye hain! Jaldi uth!". I squealed like a Pig and literally jumped out of my bed. With in 10 mins, We were on our way to the University where the results were diplayed.

This was the first time I was going to Uni to check the results for myself. When i reached the venue, the ambience was maddeningly chaotic. When i went near the crowd that was literally stamping on each other to search for their roll no., I was automatically pushed in. Only I know how i managed to get out of it.

An hour and several failed attempts later, The crowd began to disperse after satisfying their quest to know their "just desserts" and I got a chance to look for my name. 'B.H.HARSH'

Ajay Shukla
Arpita Ghosh
Avantika Singh
Chandan Kumar

My heart skipped a beat there! Shocked to even react, I went through the list again, only to find my name missing. This time, I realised I was just fooling myself. I quickly went back to my friends, and asked Rahul for phone. I called up my mummy asap. I wasnt expecting anything less of a bringing-house-down kinda thrashing, and I got exactly that. This was one of the very few ones however I have ever heard so much from Mummy, and thats precisely the reason why I just kept shut and listened to her. Thats a rare occasion, honestly.

Very obviously hurt, Mummy pin-pointed everything which I did in those 6 months of my 4rth semester. From the Gomolo work I took upon in excess, to the countless trips I made to Mumbai, (one of them just a day before my final exam). From the phone calls She saw me making at home several hrs a day to the late night chatting sessions on messenger. Everything according to her was the reason for my failure. And may be, She isnt wrong either.
But honestly, even if I'd studied in last one month, I'd survived. But then, as Mummy asked me, WHY THE HELL DIDNT I STUDY THEN ??

May be Only I have its answer, and still I am speechless. God and his tricky games, you know.

I came back to room with a sandwich and soft-drink (certainly wasnt in a mood to break those hard chapatis). And what was the first thing I do ?? I switch on my Laptop and login to orkut. I am missing my Game at FILMI FREAK CARNIVAL, you see.

I failed to understand myself that Why was i so unaffected by such a big failure. I failed in an exam, for god's sake! And still, I care for a game just because I was committed to play it at that time. But then, this is what Love does to You, I guess :)

Funnily enough, This reminded me of Raj Kapoor's trauma in 'Mera Naam Joker' where he had to perform a gag just within a few moments after seeing the face of her dead mother.
Lols, look at me. I've just flunked in my exams, and that too reminds me of Movies. Hopeless fellow!
(That reminds me, I also remembered my favourite film 'Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa' and its protagonist, as I found my name missing in the list of passed students. I tell You, You wont get shameless freaks than me. :D)

My friends on net tried to cheer me up and boost my morale. Even Veena, one of my close friends here at College, did her best to cheer me up (though what she did more was to express how shocked she was!), But I guess that wouldnt help the cause now anyways. I continued playing the game without any sadness on my sleeves.. Though I wasnt low anyways, but I guess the frustration showed up in the last round, and I argued with Divs sir. A while after the game, I told sir about my results. And He called me instantly.

He made the typical routine queries like "How ?? When ?? Why ??", very unintentionally though. But soon, We settled on our fav. topic - MOVIES!
We discussed all the topics of the game I played, and Here I was more frank without hurting him this time. And since It was after long, I was enjoying it even more. It reminded me of the good old days, where in the sheer silence of the night, I used to to-and-fro on the terrace, while trying my best NOT to be visible to the oft-appearing Cops from nowhere who were roaming on streets like Rowdies on the name of Vigilance.

Soon, I realised that I had completely forgotten the supposed setback I faced a few hours ago. But then, This made me realise my basic trait - I somehow dont take life and its hardships seriously ever. That works both as a boon and a curse, depending on the circumstances.

And thats what made me realise that This is what I Really Enjoy! I am not cut out for anything else but something or the other related to MOVIES! As silly and over-ambitious it may sound, but How i wish I could get a job as a small-time film journalist as in right now, and live peacefully with no regrets or complaints with my work what-so-ever.

And I dont wanna land up somewhere I am not interested even a wee bit. So that leads to what i think I shall aim in the coming months.


Now I know its one helluva tough job to make through its GD and Interview rounds, And being an aimless dumb guy, Its too high an aim for me at the outset.
But I guess I am not capable of doing anything either :)

Help me God. I Need your Blessings. To not let Mummy down ever again. But more importantly, To feel good about myself for a change. :)


P.S. - Dont be surprised, If You dont find regular updates here. Although I will try my best to suprise you. ;) Cheers!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Just do It!

Hello everyone,

It Feels good to come back here. I know I chose to stay away from blogging for last one week on my wish, but then, You need to be in proper state-of-mind to even think of writing something.

Its been quite a frustrating week or so since I blogged last time. FILMI FREAK, which I supposedly consider as my second home, is celebrating carnival. Sans me. I wonder why I couldnt (or didnt) contribute in any way to it. But again, it comes to being in a proper mood to be willing to do anything.

Friends make the world go round. And Mine is no exception. The fact that Most of them are rotating it towards sunlight, while a few to darkness is a different matter altogether. :D

Some go yak-yak about how indifferent I have become offlate, while the others are too busy to be even notice what I am going through.

Thanks to the rest of them, that I still manage to have some positive thoughts about myself. :)

Studies arent going oh-so-nice either. A wee bit of Vocab, Some Maths Questions, and a quick session of Logical reasonning. All of these hardly adding to 2 hrs a day, and I wanna crack SNAP and make it to Symbiosis to do my PG in Mass Comm. Lols.

And being the lazy aimless day-dreamer that I am, I keep brooding all day long whether I will manage to get through atleast one of those awfully mind-fuckin' tests and settle down in a decent college a few months down the line.But, I dont choose to study harder, which will only make it more probable. As usual.

Still, How am I fault anyways ? I just feel so-damn-blank, yaar. How do i help it ??

On second thought, When does someone not feel like doing anything ?? at all ?

3 guesses....

1. When He is plain lazy to make efforts

2. When he doesnt realise the after-effects of such irresponsible stance

3. When he is going through a bad patch, and is too disturbed by it to even think of anything.

And what if The actual reason is nothing but a mish-mash of these 3 afore-mentioned probabalities ??

It leads to the perfect way to experience the most agonising and I-will-make-you-helpless-to-death period of your life.

Well, All wasnt that bad either. I spent my week-end mostly with Latest movies. Infact, I saw 3 movies this weekend, and then one on Monday too. Wow!

More on them in my other blog some time later perhaps, If i ever feel like writing about them, that is. :P

And ya, I was with my college friends all day long on Saturday. Two friends were giving their birthday treat jointly, and We had a ball!

It was nice to see the 11 of us gelling so well with each other that evening, despite a few of them not being much close to each other personally. :)

Meanwhile, I have decided to bunk my college for this week atleast. Just dont feel like showing my long and uninterested face to any of my teachers or class-mates. Lets see if Time shows some pity, and helps me heal those wounds.

That reminds me, My association with my Cell Phone has become much less now-a-days. I hardly call up my friends. Today, I even avoided calls by a few of my class-mates, one of my being whose calls I used to die for till a few months ago.

How times change, really.

But then, It will come back to the same old reason - Being in the right state-of-mind to do anything. and I mean ANYTHING.

So before I write some more junk on How i dont feel like doing anything aaj-kal, I better stop here, hoping against hopes that I come up with something more informative and interesting in the near future.


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A new Beginning, it is!

Its a new beginning, in every which way. Yesterday, I finally shifted to a new place with two of my class-mates. This effort HAD to be made now. My preparation for CAT was practically zilch. And I wasnt finding any motivation from anywhere either.

After a lot of hard work in cleaning the room yesterday (which included Floor cleaning aka "Pocha".... lols), today I finally put in some efforts towards CAT prep. too. Felt quite nice, esp. because I was quite faster than my roomie. Hehe. Now thats my arrogant side for u, which seemed to have taken a backseat since a few days. Lols.

Like My blog, My life too has had become very stagnant. There weren't any exciting things happening, not much encouraging ones either. Same old Frustration sessions, Same old tiffs, Same old Negative thoughts appearing abruptly about My future.

But now, I hope to blog more often. More so because I hope everything settles now finally. and I mean everything. :)

A few days ago, I did think of writing a lot on what i realised about myself (most of them being negatively true, ofcourse. lols) But then I thought, "Its better if I keep this place neat and clean atleast. ;)

So I hope I dont have anything much depressing to write about. Lukin forward to a really nice healthy session of blog from now on.

P.S. - And ya, Can someone please tell me how to maintain my expenses with in my budget. It seems I will end up wasting all my savings and earnings in a few months. HELP! :((

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Yaad Aayenge Yeh Pal...

Finally I got something to write about! Yippie!

August 3, 2008 was one rockin' day! To begin with, Mummy and I chatted for long in these many times. We talked about everything from My career to Movies to My friend circle in Indore. It felt so warm to have such a frank-speak with Mummy Dearest. In a way, Mummy and I revived our friendship which was lost somewhere due to this gap created in last 2 years. :)

And then, I spent some time with a few of my school-mates. There were K, T, S, A and I, me, myself. We all had gathered at T's room. After a while, We got into the groove and came down to the most wicked side of ours to have some 'Fun'. We Cracked the cheapest of jokes, pulled each other's leg and what not. In short, We Had a Ball! It really feels Superb to catch up with Old friends like this, and esp. when Its after Eons.

While we were having dinner at one of the most weirdest 'Dhabas' I have ever been to, T asked me casually 'You are staying overnight at my place, right ??'. I was taken aback, because I had no such Plans. But then, It was the Best way to spend some real quality time with my friends. So I didnt think twice before nodding to him and asking two other of our friends S and A if they could stay back too.

But S being S refused outright stating his patent excuse 'Kaki didnt allow'. I was like 'Yeah Right. Your best friend comes home once a 3-4 months and just asks a few hours from your life. and Your Kaki doesnt allow. What shit'

But then, I had to accept his decision to abide by rules set at home, And A followed suit. Sometimes, I really wished S wasn't so good and obedient.

Anyways, T and I went back to T's room, accompanied by K and V. First we Changed, cleaned the room a bit and then as I had expected, Soon We started chatting about School times. However, K fell asleep soon. Initially, I too struggled a bit with my sleep, but then the talks were so interesting that I had to fight it, which I did.

First We were discussing all the funny moments and the goof-ups We did in class-room and the flak we received from our teachers. And I laughed my heart out after a long long time. But As time passed by, T got very very nostalgic and It was very obvious by his talks that He missed School days really badly. When I counter-pointed that Everyone moves on after School and its natural, T argued saying it doesnt mean One Ignores his/her school friends. If you are wondering where is V in the coversation, He was quietly listening to all of it in the background and nodding in his typical silly manner. :P

As T was expressing his regret of losing out on the company of great friends due to time and loss in touch, I was wandering in my own thoughts. "Have I too become very selfish and lost touch with my school friends ?? Wasnt the fun I had with in School more of fun and had lesser to do with emotional attachment ?? Ask Yourself Honestly, Besides N and S Who are you really attached to ??"

It took me long to come back to what T was saying. After a while, We saw Pics of School trip and thats When I realised How great were those times really. As I browsed through the Photos, Uncountable Memories struck me. And I realised, Emotional or fun, School times had a charm of their own, and will be cherished. TRULY.

After a while, V suggested We go out. And Guess what, We headed to the Rly. Station in a Boxer and A Vest to have a cuppa tea! That experience was Really something. A Cool breeze of air, Empty Roads, Dark sky just getting a Blue layer from one end and We three Idiots roaming in our innerwears.

Finally, We Reached Raipur Rly. Station. It was much more Crowded than I had anticipated, considering it was 4 in the morning. Honestly, I was feeling as If I am naked. But then, I relaxed a bit and We went to the Station Cafe that was surprisingly open. After a cup of Coffee, We ordered for Cheese Chilly Toast. at 4 in the morning. I mean, The Weirdest breakfast I've ever had probably.

Meanwhile, We discussed on Life after School, Importance of Girlfriend in post-teenage (??), Lack of excitement in life and all. We also decided We'd go for a trip to Goa very soon, given everyone's availability occurs around same period of time. Sooner or later. ;)

We came back to room at 5.30, but not before some more struggle and lot more fun. As I had feared, We ran out of Petrol and had to Push Our Bike for about 2 Kms before finally waking a Petrol Pump attendant from his asleep and convincing him to do us the Honours. And on our way, T and I had this Huge debate on Sonu vrs KK! As if FILMI FREAK, my fav. community on Orkut wasnt enough for such debates and fights. Lols.

So after some more Masti and leg-pulling, We finally went to sleep at 6 am! Now thats a perfect way to spend the Friendship Day, isnt it ?? :)

Friday, July 25, 2008

Just Lose it!

Had a nice long sleep after eons, before finally waking up around 12 in the morning. Ehh.. Sorry, Afternoon. :D

And then, the whole day passed... just like that!

First, I tried watching a movie with Mummy ; It was J.P.Dutta's 'Ghulami'. But I could see Mummy getting bored of it within first hour itself. So I turned it off, saying we will catch it later. Lols.

And about the rest of the day, I actually find it hard to recollect what I did! Wonder whats gonna be my Routine for next week or so, considering I am feeling so jobless after my exams.

Ohh ya, Mani mausi (My maternal aunt) made a visit to our place with my cousin Kavya. Kavya is so cute, man. She is just 3 and a half, but knows all the worldly things from now itself.

Wonder what will happen once she actually 'Grows Up'. Sigh!

And ya, I have made up my mind now. I will lose the extra flab I have gained, by hook or by crook! Come what May!

I have had enough of those comments on my reincarnated Tummy. Okay, agreed, I have added a couple of kilos. But does that mean You just have to make it obvious, by telling it again and again ??

So its done! Another Item is added to my 'Things to Do' list now - lose weight. Serious weight!

Just wonder how will i keep myself away from those Mc Veggies, Sandwiches and Paani-puri. :l

Help me... Help me.. Help me... Ohh GOD!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Missing someone ??

Reached home after a loooooong journey (as usual :P). and Saw TV after eons. felt nice. lols.
And then, Then I also heard some really embarrasing things about my current looks.

"Your face has swollen", "Your girth has doubled", "Do your Pants fit you even now ??" - Srinu Maama (My Maternal uncle) was unstoppable. As ever. But today, he was still a bit soft, as compared to past records. :d

Just that I felt bad today, because It was about my Weight. b-)

Saw 'Phir Teri Kahani Yaad Aayi' in the evening. More on that in my other blog ‘Making Love to Movies’

Also, I felt I dont REALLY miss my friends. Now I do feel really nice when I am in their company, and have a great time. But I dont feel Odd when they aren't with me. Guess I am sounding too mean, but thats the truth unfortunately.

This thought struck me when I received a forward from one of my college friends with a tag in the end 'Miss You'. I was like 'Oh really ?? Did you really MISS me as such ??

On second thoughts, let me try to decipher what does Missing means. When we want a person to be with us, and seek their presence despite having others around (or just no one), Thats when Its said to be MISSING SOMEONE.

And now I may sound like a Materialistic rascal, but the truth is, I hardly MISS anyone now-a-days.

Just Wonder whether I have become like this only now, or was I always such a selfish creep.

On this self-doubting note, I sign off. Chao!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Your time starts... NOW!

“Kripya dhyaan deejiye. Indore.. se chal kar.. Jammutavi jaane waali… Malwa express platform no. 4 par aa chuki hai”

The Train I had boarded had finally arrived Bhopal. I was happily listening to my fav. Songs as the railway announcer said this, and I got up from my seat to pick up my luggage. When I bent, I saw something that made my jaw fall down.

Nothing. There was nothing. My suitcase was missing!

“Gosh! What now ?? How come its not there ?? Shit, is it stolen ?? What now ?? What all did that suitcase contain ?? Only my clothes, ohh then fine. Oh shit, All my Movie CDs too, which I bought from my first salary. Shit shit shit! What will I say to Mummy ??”
I was panicking like anything.

Just then the Man who was sitting besides me throughout the journey, tapped my shoulder. When I turned around, He said “Sorry yaar. Who galti se tumhara le gaya tha”

I felt like shooting him right there, for giving me the most scary 2 mins in the recent past. But Since, I am no saddam hussain, I had to say “Its ok.”, With a as-fake-as-it-can get smile.

This is the beginning of a journey towards a new destination. The countdown to CAT Starts as I, lost in my thoughts, brood about the next 4 months and their would-be intensity in terms of hard work and efforts I will have to put in.
I am excited that exams are over. Not happily though…

Will I finally start working hard for CAT ?? Will I be able to watch atleast 3 movies a week, without negotiating my study time ?? Will I be able to restrict myself from yahoo messenger and Orkut ?? And oh ya, Will I be able to update my blog as regularly ?? Hehe…

Questions galore, Answers too. But all kept closed in a box which shall open soon…

By the way, If you are in Love, travelling alone may seem as the most frustrating thing on Planet earth. And then, train journeys and Romantic songs on your I-Pod are a deadly combination.

It feels damn low when You listen to such lovely lines set on even lovelier tunes, and just wish that Your beloved was with you right there, in your arms.

Ah well.. Sometimes I feel I was freee of all thoughts for a while, and just lay down.
But I guess that’s not possible. Not atleast for the next 4-5 months.

Now that practically everyone is staring at me in this dingy waiting hall of Bhopal Railway station, I sign off.
Hope to have a nice time for the rest of the journey too.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Exams over! Finally!

Thats a tiring note now, to explain how was my day.

Firstly and foremostly, Exams over! Yippie!
Not happy because I am free of those boring books now, but because I wont have to lie to Mummy now when she'd ask me whether I am studying or not. ;-)
Gawd! I realised that I hardly concentrate when I am studying. I could've done a much better job today, given I had paid attention to my notes a bit more.
But I guess Thats my patent thought every time when my exams end. Lols. Leave it.

Secondly, A few of us gathered after the exam and had a Ball eating all the junk food at 56, a famous food street in Indore.

And then, I saw off VK, my closest friend out here at College. She was quite sad, and We had a long chat on rly. station, amidst our weird non-veg jokes. I was really scared every moment, for her Boy-friend was right there. Thankfully, He seemed quite cool about it. ;-)

Query of the day...
If You realise You are the reason for growing distances between two people who were great buddies at once, What should You do ??

On this note, I sign off now. Gotta get up early tomorrow. Packing left to do. and many more.

I am coming, Mummy... :-)

Experiencing the Extremes!

What better way to start a day than a movie ?? I wake up and get ready in 20 mins (that’s a record for me, probably!) to catch the latest blockbuster 'Jaane tu... Ya Jaane Na' for the 3rd time. I wonder to what extents Can i go, if I really want to do something...

Anyways, More on that in my other blog ‘Making Love to Movies’ ;-)

Came online after coming back to room. Later, I did study for a while but soon succumbed to unfulfilled wishes of one of my best friends – Sleep. But then, I finally decided to break his heart after accompanying him for around 2 hrs. And Did resume studies till I came back online all over again. Lol.

One unique thing I did today was I SMSed almost every contact in my phone book. Very few of them cared to reply however. As usual. May be they want to punish me for the cold shoulder I have been giving them since last couple of months. Oh Whatever!

Realised two things today. One – I am using the F-word a bit too much now-a-days, for whatever reason. In my thoughts ofcourse (Although I do blurt it out at times)

And two - I have really put on a lot of weight! God help me and my appetite..

Another interesting thing happened after I came back from Dinner. A middle aged man, who had just shifted to our hostel yesterday to stay for a few days, was chatting with my room-mate V, as if he was doing some serious talk over India’s economy. Later I realised that they were talking about his son who had just taken admission in our college. I chose to ignore them first, but had to join forcibly for a while when He made some queries to me about my stream BBA.

The best part was still to come. When He went, V said “Ass-holes! They see an open door, and think everyone else is free to discuss his son’s future. Don’t even see that others are not as jobless.”

I wish I could maintain double-standards as well whenever I wanted. It does help at times, you see. ;-)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Mixed feelings!

This day will be remembered for the mixed feelings it gave me.

Just as I woke up lazily and went to unlock my door, as I usually do when I wake up, I saw a heap of luggage outside the door of my adjacent room. I was taken aback somewhat.

Well now, That room belonged to Pratik. Pratik & I were great friends at once, and even shared rooms. But one, I found that he was cheating on me (or rather, felt!). We just broke off. I changed my room, and My group of friends changed altogether.

Its been 10 months now, and We both have totally got over each other. Suddenly, He scraped me a few days ago, wanting to patch up things. I appreciate him for the heart to take an initiative. But I wondered whether If I agreed to patch up, and he'd think I did it just to get his help during exams. So negative of me, but true! What if He felt that ?? Who am I to control his thoughts ??

So I wanted to wait for the exams to end before patching up. So When I saw that luggage outside, I feared for a second. What if He was leaving right now ?? What would I do ?? Man, I was really nervous.

After a while, I saw Chinmay in his room. Now he is another of my friends with whom I had a big time fight over such a silly matter (even embarassing to be mentioned here!) long ago.
I gasped and took a long breath, hoping its his luggage and he has come back after his holidays.

I went to have Lunch releaxedly. When I came back, there was no Luggage outside. Shocked, I ran straight into the room, only to see it empty to a tee.
Pratik is gone! And so is the chance to reconcile most probably. I Just Hope I manage to catch him at Exam centre on the 22nd. :-)

Secondly, Veena, another of my friends made a light-hearted complain of being taken for granted. Oh really!
I wonder If I really start taking people granted when they get a bit too close to me. Or is it just one's perception that changes, after he/she gets closer to a person.

I get more confused as I think about it. lets skip it for now.

Also had a long chat with Mummy after a loooong time. The talk was about Jaane tu..., Mumbai Trip, CAT etc etc. ;-)

As far as Studies are concerned, I did manage to give them some time. It doesnt feel nice to ignore some one so much afterall.. ;-)

P.S. - And If there is anything termed as 'The day of Excellent Meals', Its July 20, 2008 for me. Had 5 Alu Parathas in the lunch. And then, 3 large sandwiches in my Dinner.

Now thats what I call Living life, as I want. ;-)

Thursday, July 17, 2008

2 years of a New beginning...

This Monday, Just as I came back to my room after a hard day writing those bloosy lengthy answers of my 4rth sem exams, Something clicked in my Mind. July 15.
Yes! Something crucial. A landmark of sorts, when it comes to dates. “Today, I complete 2 years of a new beginning”, I cheered to myself as I unlaced my shoes.

2 years time is not a very long period. It may even mean nothing to someone. But for me, It certainly has been one helluva fascinating experience. A major turning point, from where I literally was to explore new arena, meet new people, Lead a different life altogether.

Being the only child of my Mother, I was always a spoilt brat. I have always enjoyed my life in my own way. Till 8th std, Cricket, Songs, TV, Magazines - That’s all I needed to have a good day. I had no inkling of the responsibilities on my shoulders et al.

It was only after 10th that I began spending more time with living beings, and lesser with TV and Magazines. And by the time I finished my schooling, I was quite habituated to spending time with friends. Infact, I was too addicted to school life, tuitions and its fun, fooling around on half empty streets of my home-town to even think of a new life, a new routine, a new way of living.

And then, I was supposed to live 3 years away from home. These 2 years being from away from home and everyone who counted, have taught me a lot.
Now Here’s a brief account of what I think constitute last two years for me…

What I learnt ??

1. A new meaning of the term ‘Loneliness’. Its not when You are all alone, shedding tears on your pillow remembering your Your class-room memories. Its when You are standing in crowd, but still feel secluded and cant even cry.
2. What caring actually means. Till school, It was more about Company and sharing. But now, I also got serious care from everyone around me, which made me wonder in return whether I really cared for anyone ever in my life.
3. As they called it in Lage raho Munna Bhai, Net Practise! :l
4. What Films are actually about. Finally came out of my myth that I knew it all. :P
5. Not learned, but just reassured that Life is about Moving on, come what may.
6. College life is boring, but only as long as You decidedly are.
7. That Exams at my college are not meant to be taken seriously!
8. Enthusiasm and Zeal has nothing to do with age and experience. Thanks, Sir. :-)
9. Fights are not permanent. Only Relations are.

What I gained ??

1. Friends, And that too from the most unexpected place. And They mean a Lot. I know they are for a life-time, because they always made sure I was never alone, even when I adamantly wanted to be. Thank you, guys. :-)
2. Confidence to talk to girls without any restrain. Trust me guys, It means to me more than Topping my university. ;-)
3. Love. In its most contructive and destructive forms. ;-)
4. A sense of humour. Finally!
5. A passion for Films, That is least likely to burn out ever.
6. A Heart-break. The most disappointing and yet the most encouraging of them all.

What I lost ??

1. Innocence. And I do regret that somewhat. :-(
2. Touch with a few of those who were the most integral part of my life at some point of time.
3. The value of everything that I got used to, no matter how ever precious They were.
4. My Ego. May it Rest in Peace. :-)
5. That simple joy of living in a small town and sleeping peacefully at Home.

These Two Years have taught me a new approach towards life. And As I See it now, Life is like the accelerator of a motorbike, which if taken too easily may make you fall badly or if dealt too hardly will make you collide someway or the other.

May I soon learn the tricks to ride my Bike properly. Both literally, and Metaphorically. ;-)