Thursday, September 25, 2008

Chhoti si baat - II

What an irony, that I undeliberately repeat my own words, which I said only 2 days ago.

"Just wonder how sometimes the smallest of things prove to be so damn dangerously capable of changing your mood and state-of-mind altogether."

The only difference is This time, it was towards positive.

I woke up this morning, at 7.45 (quite early from my standards). But I was in no mood to get up and go to College. The Cold was still quite strong, and I didnt wanna make myself heard in the class all day long through my sneezes.
But then, thanks to my roomie Tarun, I heard a number which brought me a bagful of memories in a moment.

"Hoshwalo ko Khabar kya
Bekhudi kya cheez hai
Ishq keeje phir samajhiye
Zindagi kya Cheez hai"

and before I could realise, I was humming it in my half-sleep mode. I suddenly got up from my bed, and felt quite fresh all of a sudden. Good enough to go to College. ;)

Hope my day passes as nicely. Amen. :)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Genelia in my dreams! Yet again! Whats her problem, man ??

Seems I should better learn to change my desktop wallpaper at regular intervals now... ;))
But with a Pic like this, How can anyone really do that yaar ?? :D

By the way, I woke up only now... thanks to my childish stubbornity. Still feeling a bit feverish... Bunked college... but This time, I certainly wont waste the entire day. Fingers crossed...

P.S. - And ya, This is my 2nd post in the day... Hehe :P

Chhoti chhoti si baat

Just wonder how sometimes the smallest of things prove to be so damn dangerously capable of killing your mood, and disturbing your state-of-mind completely.

Last night, For another of my pointless never-ending College assignments, I had woken up till 6 in the morning. Considering my standards, It was no mean feat for me to wake up till sun-rise for anything remotely connected to Studies. So I went to bed, feeling pretty happy about myself.

Only to wake up straight after 11, much later than the time the Lectures actually start. "11 Baj gaye hain. Even if you leave now, You can't make it to the 11.30 class, buddy. Rehne de.", said Rahul sleepily as He twisted in his bed.

Its only now when I realised Rahul too had bunked his college, for some legitimate reasons though (Poor guy's leg was aching badly).

I felt sort of cheated, by fate - yet again! "I work hard (so what if with regular breaks), and I dont even go to College at the end of it. WTF!!!" Feeling frustrated as I did ever, I went back to my bed, for I was still half-sleepy and had just 4.5 hrs of my restless peace as yet.

I finally woke up only at 1, feeling completely devastated. I felt bad about missing College for a change. And somehow, Everything just seemed to be out-of-place ever since.

And if anything was left to happen, I caught up fever big time. Its not very often that I fall sick. And even when I do, Its not anything severe as such. But it seems fate had all its moves planned at the most apt of occasions. I fell asleep at 3.45. Yes i did! (for those of you who believe anything is possible), only to wake up around 6.

I did study a bit my pre-SS ( Sleep sessions.. :P ), and also after that. But seems Sept 23 was unwavering obstinate to be a bad day. So God knows what went into my mind, that I stopped studying after 6.45.

The rest of my day (and that includes 236 minutes of Sept 24) were spent in reading the blogs of a few anonymous souls. Some black, Some white ( both literally and figuratively! ), while Some touched a chord just right! For some bloody reason, I just wanted to devoid of the same 'ole crappy tensions I'd been going through. So what better than to peek into others' thoughts for a change ??

Its only at 4 in the morning that I finally feel a bit relieved, and somehow, even the fever seems to have evaporated thankfully. But its indeed sad that Yet another day of my life vroomed away... JUST LIKE THAT!

Now its not as If It was wasted entirely. I did catch up on my CAT sheets for a while, not to mention the addition of a few more words to be vocab. And what more, got to experience the alien-but-beautiful world of Bloggers some more.

But How I wish it also had some more of What should actually be the Most time-taking thing in my life right now - Studies.

Monday, September 22, 2008

I feel a grenade-sized lump in my throat as my room-mate Rahul puzzles himself even more in those self-complicated Questions from sheets provided by PT Education for his CAT prep. The very thought of sitting in the Competitive exams with the kind of preparation I have right now scares the shit out of me. I hardly have 2-3 months anyways.
"This is damn tough job, buddy... and aise nahi chalega" - the very-current thought in my mind as I type this.

All day long, I just struggled with those looooong mind-numbing RC passages, trying hard to find any sense in them. By the end of it, I seemed to have lost whatever sense of reasoning I ever had.

Here's an excerpt from the thrashing I got a while ago from - MYSELF!

"This all can't be that tough, can it ? Come on yaar! When thousands of other worthless jerks can do it, Why can't you ??
Whats wrong with you anyways ? You were never such a dumb asshole either! Come on yaar, Whatever happened to all those claims for being capable of doing all this.... JUST LIKE THAT. I know You are not this bad, as Your performance till now make you out to be... But Dont expect to carry it off with Farhan Akhtar crooning loud in your ears at the top of his voice. You gotta put in some serious efforts, maan!
Can't you just leave all these so-called worldly pleasures aside for the already-limited time span you dig yourself into those sheets ?? Your life sorta depends on it, damn it! Why don't u get this bloody fact into your brain ??"

Ya right! Why don't I get this ?? What ever could be wrong with me ?? I while my days away, half studying and half-singing along with my I-pod. And before I can realise, its dinner time! Even after my 2nd meal of the day, I choose to come online and waste my time some more.

Okay, I know, One gotta spare time for friends too. After all, You too need them, much more than probably they need you. But for that, You HAVE TO spend the rest of the day with those goddammit boring Questions to deserve to have some fun at the end of the day.
Days pass like a comet, and I just brood about the scary repercussions all this laziness and such a scarily irresponsible stand can have in the coming days (that may just not as well have an end to them)

Whats so impossible about "GIVING YOUR BEST", that I am just not able to do that ?? What does that mean at first place ?? Lemme give a shot....
Ummm.... Doing as much as You can ? To the best of your ability ??
Ya I guess thats what it means.

What is it with GIVING YOUR BEST, that I am just not able to come to it ?? Why do i distract myself on my own, and then regret it later ??

Throughout my life, I did what I wanted to.
The times havent changed now either, but I aint even doing what I should do, that will help me do What i eventually want to.

Okay, I know, and I re-realised just now, that this is going nowhere and I am resorting to write all crap yet again. So I shall sign out now, hoping for the nth occasion that I soon realise how crucial this studies part in this otherwise 'I-can-be-beautiful-too' life REALLY is.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Mad About You!

A small update about One naughty thing I did just now. ;)

I am sure You all must be getting innumerable SMSes like "Dont break the chain", "Send this to 9 people, otherwise You will fail in exam" and all silly stuff. This evening just when I was about to leave for dinner, I got one SMS that read as follows...

"Today at Midnight ur true love wil realise that he/she cant live without u. Send this to 9 people even me. n something good will happen 2 u at 10.00-2.00. Dont ignore"

Now I certainly dont buy such stupidity usually, but The fact that I wished something so dearly only yesterday, and I got a chance to contribute towards it the very next day. :P
To add to the fact that this SMS came from HER, made me believe somehow that If I follow this chain for once, It may just as well come out true. ;) :)

I was waiting for my clock to show 10. But As luck would have it, I got a call around 9.45 and forgot about it completely.
A while ago, at 2.30, It suddenly struck my thoughts. I didnt know what to do. It was past 2, and I lost my chance to make it possible, if all these things really happen et al. :((

But I really didnt wanna regret this for all my life. So Guess what I did! I changed the time in the SMS from 2.00 to 3.00 and sent it to 9 people immediately, including H. :P ;)

Now I dont know If it all this really happens or not, But I certainly did my Best. :)

Silly it may seem, But What can i do ?? I didnt wanna keep thinking about it and regret not following that stupid chain for once. :P

Amen! :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Jahan tu Mere Saath hai.. :)

It seemed like an early morning - Cloudy, yet fresh. I was in a Taxi, when this Sweet lady came and sat besides me. She was not a stranger. She was my Best friend. I had loved her always, But I thought she gave a damn to my feelings. And since Last few days, There was a sense of discomfort between us.

Now comes the shocker no. 1 - Her face resembled that of Genelia. Yes, you read it right! The Jaane tu fame.... This girl's face was exactly the same. But by the way I responded to her, It couldnt have been a Film star for god's sake. She was someone familiar, someone really close with whom I seemed to be somewhat upset.

For those of you who are wondering what the hell Genelia is doing in my taxi, keep reading. And ya, if you want it to be entertaining, Just imagine Genelia in real. ;)
To all those who run away from long posts, This is Your moment! Shoot. :P

For the Rest, Please go on with the best of your patience, as There are chances You may feel bored. ;))

Back to the topic....
Just when The taxi started, She tried to speak. I deliberately avoided her. However, My heart stopped beating a sec when I heard those 3 words!"I Love You, Harsh. I really do. I have realised I can't live without you. Just wanted to say this"

Bas. Thats it. I suddenly fell weak in my knees. I turned to her, but before I could say anything to her, The taxi stopped and She moved out. Goes with saying, I came out too and followed her. As I realised she is not paying attention to me, I began saying "Come on, yaar. You know I've always loved you, dont you ??" Though i couldn't see her face, I could imagine her smiling and deriving pleasure by doing this nakhras. She wanted me to confess it to her once, and what the heck, Even I didnt mind it! :d

After a while, I finally moved closer to her as I held her hand. As i had expected, She was mischieviously smiling when She turned around. That somehow brought a smile on my face too. Smilingly, I Said "I know You enjoy doing this, But I just hope you realise how much I really care for You. Its been one really long period - We lost touch due to reasons more than one. But I have realised I can't with do with you, atleast not contently. Just be with me."

As I said these words, She broke down. However, She also had this big smile on her face, as her eyes twinkled with tears. I just nodded as She came close and hugged me tight. That feeling of being selflessly loved by anyone, was What made me break down into tears that very moment. I knew I had someone whom I loved, who Loved me, without any expectations, and We'd be happy with each other... forever! :)

Sounds outright crazy, right ?? Genelia. in my arms! I must be in my dreams!
Now to tell you the truth, I surely WAS in my dreams, and I realised this only a few seconds later as I was literally kicked by my room-mate who I think really cherished his style of informing me it was 7.30 in the evening. :d :P
Now You'd wonder, Whats this connection of seeing Genelia in your dreams, even if the dream is to do with Finding soul-mate et all ?? Now I guess the post's gonna be really long.
The story goes backs to The first year of My College. I was alone, didnt have many friends at College, was getting more boring by every day, and what more, I was rejected by the girl whom I loved so dearly - lets call her H. "No. Its not possible, Harsh. Just forget it" - I couldnt forget her words so easily. Although We were still good friends, but I certainly had lost all hope of being "The one" in her life.
It was May 2007 When I saw this telugu film ‘Bommarillu’. I really loved the film. But more than anything, I struck a chord with its Protagonists for the sole reason that I could see Myself and H in them. I was amazed at the way the film unfolded almost every chapter of My equation with H over last couple of years with striking similarity.
I particuarly fell in love with this Girl who played the female Protagonist. Every gesture she made, Everytime She smiled, Every word she spoke, The way She spoke -She reminded me of H. Her name was Genelia, and I was in love with her already. :)
So what if H couldnt be mine ?? Genelia could certainly be, And She had made a place for herself in my Memories with this film. :)

An year later, Equations between H and I had changed to some extent. I had moved on somewhat, and certainly didnt long for H like before. I had made new friends. And I could sense that subtle jealousy H felt, whenever she'd hear of this. She wouldn't admit it I know, but she certainly missed me.

Just then a movie came, titled ‘Jaane tu Ya Jaane Na’. It captured the same old story of "Best-friends-not-realising-its-love". And guess who was its protagonist - Genelia!
Everytime Aditi felt jealous of Meghna, I was thinking of Her. Everytime Aditi felt sad at seeing Jai and Meghna together, I missed Her.

By the end of it, I was feeling too choked up with all the memories that decided to strike me back through this film.
And Genelia, as stupid as it may sound, had become an epitome of a perfect soul-mate in My eyes. She may be just an actress, who is a different self from these characters she played, But The kind of nostalgia value She offered was just too much to be overlooked. For me, She was her. The H who actually loved his Harsh. :)
How I wished My Aditi too realised it by the end of it that she loved me. ;)) :)
So No wonder I saw Genelia in my dreams, just the same day When I had broken up with two of the closest people in my life. :)

Now these two people are someone Who i met only in last one year. I always cared for them, and thought I'd have them as friends forever. I cared for them, they cared for me. We enjoyed each other’s company. What else did we need ??

Freedom is the word! I think We shouldnt allow this possessiveness to overtake this bonding, which makes us become insecure of them.
Honestly, I did get very close to these two persons. Very very close (esp. to one of them). And I accept it was me Who kinda encouraged them to get so close to me. They were my BEST FRIENDS. I trusted them, cared for them, and Was totally Honest to them.
But Just when it was the time to draw a line, I forgot my boundaries for a while, and they didn’t pay heed either.
Result – Your Best friends seem as if You own them, and start believing no one else has a right on him other than You.

Unfortunately, The same happened between Me and these two. I was just not able to make it sail through. And after a lot of agony and frustration, I decided to call it quits.

And thats when I really missed someone who loved me without so much of expectations. I am not asking her to be selfless, But Then She'd have complete trust on me which shall help her get rid of any such insecurities, if she ever felt et al.

And Thats when I started missing My School days badly. I'd meet her at the Bus stop every morning, chat with her in the Bus and then later at school between Classes. And then, every evening W'd meet up for tuitions. All that studies while enjoying. The nights would end with her SMSes, lingering in my thoughts for long after I switched the lights off. And Guess it, it all went without much of insecurites of either (after a few initial small fights, honestly :P ).
What else did i need from her ??

How I wish I had never gone away from Her. How I wish We never parted ways after College. But I guess This is the way Life decides to teach you lessons.
I know she is not gonna express her genuine feelings to me ever. I know She doesn’t love me as such either. I know We are not destined to be together. But deep down somewhere, I will miss her presence in my life… always.
Because Somewhere down my heart, I know She was the one - Who could be “The One”. No insecurity, No distrust, Just pure Bonding and a faith that We will be with each other… forever!

And isn’t it equally awe-inspiring, that A complete stranger like Abbas Tyrewala wrote a song, that seems as if was composed to give a voice to my thoughts at this very moment.

Kahin to Hogi who
Duniya Jahaan tu mere saath hai
Jahaan Main, Jahaan Tu
Bas tere Mere Jazbaat hai
Hoti jahaan, Subah teri
Palkon ki kirno se
Lori jahaan chand ki
Sune teri baahon mein

Jaane na Kahan who Duniya Hai
Jaane na who hai bhi ya Nahi
Jahan meri Zindagi Mujhse
Itni Khafa nahi


Saturday, September 13, 2008

Kismat Konnection!

These two days weren't earth-shattering as such, but made quite a difference never the less. I spent almost the entire Thursday in my College Campus waiting for the lazy officials of my College to go to the main university to bring the mark list and announce the result officially, only to be given some really lame excuses by them and asked to go back home.

Meanwhile, One of my class-mates gave me a ray of hope, saying sometimes the roll no. do appear in haphazard manner, and it isnt necessary that I am not among the pssing students.

The results were put up on notice board only today in the afternoon, and My hope remained a hope only. I HAD a back in a subject. The positive aspect here was - I had only ONE Back. hehe. But honestly, I had become so apprehensive for these two days,thinking about the possibilites of me having an year back. :O

This is when One realises the drawbacks of an excessively restless mind. :P

Now lemme come to the second major event. Veena, one of my close friends at College was going through a bad phase in her relation with Shankar, one of her closest friends, who was just getting a bit too possessive about her. On Thursday evening, I was just about to leave from College when Veena stopped me. When i asked her the purpose, She told me she wanted me to be there as She bids adieu to Shankar.

I was taken aback, as I certainly didnt wanna be a witness to a goodbye-forever meet. I still had to be there, for the fear of not letting her down once again, as She said I had begun doing since a couple of days.

Soon Shankar came, and Veena, as if totally made up her mind to part with him, began with the proceedings. As Veena started reminding Shankar of all the ways He had ever tried to dominate her actions and Shankar began his attempts at apologising, I was invariably reminded of one of the similar phase I went through with one of my closest friends. And before I had realised, I was pretty engrossed in their conversation, may be much more than they themselves were. for once, I didnt mind eavesdropping. ;)

Soon, I realised This time Veena was at the same place where I was a couple of days ago, and My my, She was speaking exactly my language! I was amazed and amused at the way Veena behaved so rudely with Shankar, as if to make him feel he doesnt matter at all. At the same time, i was feeling quite guilty of myself that may be It was all my influence on her. May be after interacting with me, She'd acquired this ability of being as rude as possible.

Shankar left after a while, pissed off with Veena's indifferent conduct with him. Soon, We left too and halted at a near-by Canteen to have something (We hadnt had anything since Morning, twas too long for me atleast! :d).

While I was non-chalantly munching on my noodles, Veena suddenly got up from her laid-back posture and said "You know, today is a important day for me, As I decided to make distance with 3 of the most important people in my life"

Surprised a bit, as I didnt have the clue about the other 2, I queried "Aur kaun ?"

"You and Aditya", pat came the reply.

Now well, I was surprised for sure. But having experienced much more shocking things than this, I almost failed to react. I just managed to ask in my trademark enquiring tone, "And how come ??"

"I have decided I wont be attached to anyone else now. I have seen how much everyone cares for my feelings. First I looked for a friend in Aditya, who chose to give a damn to my sentiments. And after a while, You too have started to take me for granted. And I have decided i dont need to take this shit from anyone anymore. And thats the main reason Why i decided to part from Shankar, as I didnt wanna be a slave to his wished either. And I have made up my mind, I will stay in my limits henceforth. So You needn't worry ab se. I have My Karan (Her boy-friend). I dont need anyone else"

She had a sarcastic smile as she said those final words. And I, as usual these days, was short of words but was quite surprised at the end of it all. I dunno If I felt bad, because I genuinely felt Veena was getting over-attached to me and needed a definite break from me. Because after College, It will only hurt her more when A time may come where We may not be even able to keep in touch as much as now.

I knew I was thinking selfishly there, but the truth is, even I need a break from bondings. They only end up pissing me off now. Infact, now I wonder why Friends get so possesive about you, that they cant even understand when You say you cant afford to spend time with them as before because at times, You HAVE to shift your gears to other priorities too.

And to think there was a time when i so badly wanted to be loved by someone. And when its coming to finally, I cant take it beyond a limit.

I tell you, Fate and its tricky games.

P.S. - Talking of fate, Its a sheer co-incidence isnt it, as this evening I was just checking if Punnu replied to my comment on his blog when I came across Ruchi's blog. And there I found a link to a site for english songs download, which fetched me songs I was looking for since ages.

And here am i, typing all this crap listening to my all-time Fav English tracks and revisiting my school days when I'd frantically search for these songs and put them on repeat mode at the highest volume possible, as Mummy would shout at the top of her voice from the adjoining room, louder than my songs, loud enough to break the Long mirror in my room. lols

Aah.. I guess too much on fate and Nostalgia. But its certainly not the right time. Some time later, may be... ;)


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Live Your Dream!! If Possible :)

After an enjoyable afternoon at College, where our Deptt. was celebrating teachers' day only today, I came back home only at 5.30 in the evening. Though the event made me have a lot of fun, thanks to its great performances and interesting games and contests with teachers, The final thoughts that were occupyinng my mind were something else.
I was particularly in awe of one of the Hosts. Now He was a first year student, yet he was so confident. And the way he interacted with teachers made me and my room mate Rahul feel ashamed of ourselves. We realised we hardly did any progress in our College since school days, and While we were coming back, We had this long discussion on how we should also try to develop our communication skills and also really get down to some serious studies without anymore dilly-dallying.

Coming back to room, I slept straight away. Around 7.45, Tarun, my second room-mate woke me up. When asked the reason, he exclaimed "Abe results aa gaye hain! Jaldi uth!". I squealed like a Pig and literally jumped out of my bed. With in 10 mins, We were on our way to the University where the results were diplayed.

This was the first time I was going to Uni to check the results for myself. When i reached the venue, the ambience was maddeningly chaotic. When i went near the crowd that was literally stamping on each other to search for their roll no., I was automatically pushed in. Only I know how i managed to get out of it.

An hour and several failed attempts later, The crowd began to disperse after satisfying their quest to know their "just desserts" and I got a chance to look for my name. 'B.H.HARSH'

Ajay Shukla
Arpita Ghosh
Avantika Singh
Chandan Kumar

My heart skipped a beat there! Shocked to even react, I went through the list again, only to find my name missing. This time, I realised I was just fooling myself. I quickly went back to my friends, and asked Rahul for phone. I called up my mummy asap. I wasnt expecting anything less of a bringing-house-down kinda thrashing, and I got exactly that. This was one of the very few ones however I have ever heard so much from Mummy, and thats precisely the reason why I just kept shut and listened to her. Thats a rare occasion, honestly.

Very obviously hurt, Mummy pin-pointed everything which I did in those 6 months of my 4rth semester. From the Gomolo work I took upon in excess, to the countless trips I made to Mumbai, (one of them just a day before my final exam). From the phone calls She saw me making at home several hrs a day to the late night chatting sessions on messenger. Everything according to her was the reason for my failure. And may be, She isnt wrong either.
But honestly, even if I'd studied in last one month, I'd survived. But then, as Mummy asked me, WHY THE HELL DIDNT I STUDY THEN ??

May be Only I have its answer, and still I am speechless. God and his tricky games, you know.

I came back to room with a sandwich and soft-drink (certainly wasnt in a mood to break those hard chapatis). And what was the first thing I do ?? I switch on my Laptop and login to orkut. I am missing my Game at FILMI FREAK CARNIVAL, you see.

I failed to understand myself that Why was i so unaffected by such a big failure. I failed in an exam, for god's sake! And still, I care for a game just because I was committed to play it at that time. But then, this is what Love does to You, I guess :)

Funnily enough, This reminded me of Raj Kapoor's trauma in 'Mera Naam Joker' where he had to perform a gag just within a few moments after seeing the face of her dead mother.
Lols, look at me. I've just flunked in my exams, and that too reminds me of Movies. Hopeless fellow!
(That reminds me, I also remembered my favourite film 'Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa' and its protagonist, as I found my name missing in the list of passed students. I tell You, You wont get shameless freaks than me. :D)

My friends on net tried to cheer me up and boost my morale. Even Veena, one of my close friends here at College, did her best to cheer me up (though what she did more was to express how shocked she was!), But I guess that wouldnt help the cause now anyways. I continued playing the game without any sadness on my sleeves.. Though I wasnt low anyways, but I guess the frustration showed up in the last round, and I argued with Divs sir. A while after the game, I told sir about my results. And He called me instantly.

He made the typical routine queries like "How ?? When ?? Why ??", very unintentionally though. But soon, We settled on our fav. topic - MOVIES!
We discussed all the topics of the game I played, and Here I was more frank without hurting him this time. And since It was after long, I was enjoying it even more. It reminded me of the good old days, where in the sheer silence of the night, I used to to-and-fro on the terrace, while trying my best NOT to be visible to the oft-appearing Cops from nowhere who were roaming on streets like Rowdies on the name of Vigilance.

Soon, I realised that I had completely forgotten the supposed setback I faced a few hours ago. But then, This made me realise my basic trait - I somehow dont take life and its hardships seriously ever. That works both as a boon and a curse, depending on the circumstances.

And thats what made me realise that This is what I Really Enjoy! I am not cut out for anything else but something or the other related to MOVIES! As silly and over-ambitious it may sound, but How i wish I could get a job as a small-time film journalist as in right now, and live peacefully with no regrets or complaints with my work what-so-ever.

And I dont wanna land up somewhere I am not interested even a wee bit. So that leads to what i think I shall aim in the coming months.


Now I know its one helluva tough job to make through its GD and Interview rounds, And being an aimless dumb guy, Its too high an aim for me at the outset.
But I guess I am not capable of doing anything either :)

Help me God. I Need your Blessings. To not let Mummy down ever again. But more importantly, To feel good about myself for a change. :)


P.S. - Dont be surprised, If You dont find regular updates here. Although I will try my best to suprise you. ;) Cheers!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Just do It!

Hello everyone,

It Feels good to come back here. I know I chose to stay away from blogging for last one week on my wish, but then, You need to be in proper state-of-mind to even think of writing something.

Its been quite a frustrating week or so since I blogged last time. FILMI FREAK, which I supposedly consider as my second home, is celebrating carnival. Sans me. I wonder why I couldnt (or didnt) contribute in any way to it. But again, it comes to being in a proper mood to be willing to do anything.

Friends make the world go round. And Mine is no exception. The fact that Most of them are rotating it towards sunlight, while a few to darkness is a different matter altogether. :D

Some go yak-yak about how indifferent I have become offlate, while the others are too busy to be even notice what I am going through.

Thanks to the rest of them, that I still manage to have some positive thoughts about myself. :)

Studies arent going oh-so-nice either. A wee bit of Vocab, Some Maths Questions, and a quick session of Logical reasonning. All of these hardly adding to 2 hrs a day, and I wanna crack SNAP and make it to Symbiosis to do my PG in Mass Comm. Lols.

And being the lazy aimless day-dreamer that I am, I keep brooding all day long whether I will manage to get through atleast one of those awfully mind-fuckin' tests and settle down in a decent college a few months down the line.But, I dont choose to study harder, which will only make it more probable. As usual.

Still, How am I fault anyways ? I just feel so-damn-blank, yaar. How do i help it ??

On second thought, When does someone not feel like doing anything ?? at all ?

3 guesses....

1. When He is plain lazy to make efforts

2. When he doesnt realise the after-effects of such irresponsible stance

3. When he is going through a bad patch, and is too disturbed by it to even think of anything.

And what if The actual reason is nothing but a mish-mash of these 3 afore-mentioned probabalities ??

It leads to the perfect way to experience the most agonising and I-will-make-you-helpless-to-death period of your life.

Well, All wasnt that bad either. I spent my week-end mostly with Latest movies. Infact, I saw 3 movies this weekend, and then one on Monday too. Wow!

More on them in my other blog some time later perhaps, If i ever feel like writing about them, that is. :P

And ya, I was with my college friends all day long on Saturday. Two friends were giving their birthday treat jointly, and We had a ball!

It was nice to see the 11 of us gelling so well with each other that evening, despite a few of them not being much close to each other personally. :)

Meanwhile, I have decided to bunk my college for this week atleast. Just dont feel like showing my long and uninterested face to any of my teachers or class-mates. Lets see if Time shows some pity, and helps me heal those wounds.

That reminds me, My association with my Cell Phone has become much less now-a-days. I hardly call up my friends. Today, I even avoided calls by a few of my class-mates, one of my being whose calls I used to die for till a few months ago.

How times change, really.

But then, It will come back to the same old reason - Being in the right state-of-mind to do anything. and I mean ANYTHING.

So before I write some more junk on How i dont feel like doing anything aaj-kal, I better stop here, hoping against hopes that I come up with something more informative and interesting in the near future.


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A new Beginning, it is!

Its a new beginning, in every which way. Yesterday, I finally shifted to a new place with two of my class-mates. This effort HAD to be made now. My preparation for CAT was practically zilch. And I wasnt finding any motivation from anywhere either.

After a lot of hard work in cleaning the room yesterday (which included Floor cleaning aka "Pocha".... lols), today I finally put in some efforts towards CAT prep. too. Felt quite nice, esp. because I was quite faster than my roomie. Hehe. Now thats my arrogant side for u, which seemed to have taken a backseat since a few days. Lols.

Like My blog, My life too has had become very stagnant. There weren't any exciting things happening, not much encouraging ones either. Same old Frustration sessions, Same old tiffs, Same old Negative thoughts appearing abruptly about My future.

But now, I hope to blog more often. More so because I hope everything settles now finally. and I mean everything. :)

A few days ago, I did think of writing a lot on what i realised about myself (most of them being negatively true, ofcourse. lols) But then I thought, "Its better if I keep this place neat and clean atleast. ;)

So I hope I dont have anything much depressing to write about. Lukin forward to a really nice healthy session of blog from now on.

P.S. - And ya, Can someone please tell me how to maintain my expenses with in my budget. It seems I will end up wasting all my savings and earnings in a few months. HELP! :((