Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Sounds outright crazy, right ?? Genelia. in my arms! I must be in my dreams!
Now to tell you the truth, I surely WAS in my dreams, and I realised this only a few seconds later as I was literally kicked by my room-mate who I think really cherished his style of informing me it was 7.30 in the evening. :d :P
Now You'd wonder, Whats this connection of seeing Genelia in your dreams, even if the dream is to do with Finding soul-mate et all ?? Now I guess the post's gonna be really long.
The story goes backs to The first year of My College. I was alone, didnt have many friends at College, was getting more boring by every day, and what more, I was rejected by the girl whom I loved so dearly - lets call her H. "No. Its not possible, Harsh. Just forget it" - I couldnt forget her words so easily. Although We were still good friends, but I certainly had lost all hope of being "The one" in her life.
It was May 2007 When I saw this telugu film ‘Bommarillu’. I really loved the film. But more than anything, I struck a chord with its Protagonists for the sole reason that I could see Myself and H in them. I was amazed at the way the film unfolded almost every chapter of My equation with H over last couple of years with striking similarity.
I particuarly fell in love with this Girl who played the female Protagonist. Every gesture she made, Everytime She smiled, Every word she spoke, The way She spoke -She reminded me of H. Her name was Genelia, and I was in love with her already. :)
So what if H couldnt be mine ?? Genelia could certainly be, And She had made a place for herself in my Memories with this film. :)

An year later, Equations between H and I had changed to some extent. I had moved on somewhat, and certainly didnt long for H like before. I had made new friends. And I could sense that subtle jealousy H felt, whenever she'd hear of this. She wouldn't admit it I know, but she certainly missed me.

Just then a movie came, titled ‘Jaane tu Ya Jaane Na’. It captured the same old story of "Best-friends-not-realising-its-love". And guess who was its protagonist - Genelia!
Everytime Aditi felt jealous of Meghna, I was thinking of Her. Everytime Aditi felt sad at seeing Jai and Meghna together, I missed Her.

By the end of it, I was feeling too choked up with all the memories that decided to strike me back through this film.
And Genelia, as stupid as it may sound, had become an epitome of a perfect soul-mate in My eyes. She may be just an actress, who is a different self from these characters she played, But The kind of nostalgia value She offered was just too much to be overlooked. For me, She was her. The H who actually loved his Harsh. :)
How I wished My Aditi too realised it by the end of it that she loved me. ;)) :)
So No wonder I saw Genelia in my dreams, just the same day When I had broken up with two of the closest people in my life. :)

Now these two people are someone Who i met only in last one year. I always cared for them, and thought I'd have them as friends forever. I cared for them, they cared for me. We enjoyed each other’s company. What else did we need ??

Freedom is the word! I think We shouldnt allow this possessiveness to overtake this bonding, which makes us become insecure of them.
Honestly, I did get very close to these two persons. Very very close (esp. to one of them). And I accept it was me Who kinda encouraged them to get so close to me. They were my BEST FRIENDS. I trusted them, cared for them, and Was totally Honest to them.
But Just when it was the time to draw a line, I forgot my boundaries for a while, and they didn’t pay heed either.
Result – Your Best friends seem as if You own them, and start believing no one else has a right on him other than You.

Unfortunately, The same happened between Me and these two. I was just not able to make it sail through. And after a lot of agony and frustration, I decided to call it quits.

And thats when I really missed someone who loved me without so much of expectations. I am not asking her to be selfless, But Then She'd have complete trust on me which shall help her get rid of any such insecurities, if she ever felt et al.

And Thats when I started missing My School days badly. I'd meet her at the Bus stop every morning, chat with her in the Bus and then later at school between Classes. And then, every evening W'd meet up for tuitions. All that studies while enjoying. The nights would end with her SMSes, lingering in my thoughts for long after I switched the lights off. And Guess it, it all went without much of insecurites of either (after a few initial small fights, honestly :P ).
What else did i need from her ??

How I wish I had never gone away from Her. How I wish We never parted ways after College. But I guess This is the way Life decides to teach you lessons.
I know she is not gonna express her genuine feelings to me ever. I know She doesn’t love me as such either. I know We are not destined to be together. But deep down somewhere, I will miss her presence in my life… always.
Because Somewhere down my heart, I know She was the one - Who could be “The One”. No insecurity, No distrust, Just pure Bonding and a faith that We will be with each other… forever!

And isn’t it equally awe-inspiring, that A complete stranger like Abbas Tyrewala wrote a song, that seems as if was composed to give a voice to my thoughts at this very moment.


Kahin to Hogi who
Duniya Jahaan tu mere saath hai
Jahaan Main, Jahaan Tu
Bas tere Mere Jazbaat hai
Hoti jahaan, Subah teri
Palkon ki kirno se
Lori jahaan chand ki
Sune teri baahon mein

Jaane na Kahan who Duniya Hai
Jaane na who hai bhi ya Nahi
Jahan meri Zindagi Mujhse
Itni Khafa nahi


:)

8 comments:

.................. said...

hmmm...i dont think it will be easy to forget neha..but destiny might still have something more better in store for u ... and who knows destiny has neha only in store for u but not now may be few years later.As far as Genelia is concerned,that happens with anyone(read it as people who watch films),we tend to find ourselves or our life in the films or songs,and some films totally show what we actually are going through.So,those 2 films did that same thing to you too. Hmm,thats a important line to be made always with friends,possessiveness should just never enter the relationship.May be if those friends didnt realize then, they might realize now after the break off as some people realize their mistakes quite late.

Harsh said...

@Punnu

I havent forgotten Neha,but I dont day-dream like earlier that Kaash woh bhi Pyaar karti n all.

As there are a bit too many boundaries created between us, even if she ends up realising this.

And I have realised its not possible, atleast not now.

Just waiting for some sort of Magic... :)

Prachi said...

grrrrrrrrr

i wrote a long comment and this stupid blog of urs .... x-(

very beautifully expressed. i have read it twice already and just want to keep reading it without wanting to pick up anything in particular and comment upon. :)

as i was reading thru it i had guessed the connection b/w genelia and the dream. but the way u expressed it...... :)....i dunno if m really bad at commenting, or ur posts leave me dumbstruck. will try to figure it out soon. so as always i have nothing more meaningful to jot down here.

i wud just prefer to get lost and read it again :)

and ya the song fits suitable not only for u but also for many others. :)

Aashi said...

hmmm nice :) yep! relating to characters from movies is quite common;) btw i luvd tht movie too..hehe:P

Aashi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aashi said...

I also agree wid pari on that last line..;) life mein lots of people go through this kinda stuff ..probably thats d reason so many of 'em tend to relate to that song:)

so chill..all of us have been der at one point of time or d other ;)

btw d stle in which u'v narrated,did'nt make me realize how LONG the post actually is...hehe.. absorbing:P

Harsh said...

@Prachi

U feel like reading again (or rather read it all at one go)... That alone is a big achievement for me...

Waise i took my own sweet time to do that... ;))

And ya, i know... Kahin to hogi does fit somewhere for each of Us.... :)

Harsh said...

@Aashi

Hehe Aashi... But at times, main kuch jyaada hi relate kar leta films ko apni life se... ;) :P

And i cant believe u didnt find it long.. Yippie! :O :d

That calls for a celebration.. It does! \:d/