Thursday, September 11, 2008

Live Your Dream!! If Possible :)




After an enjoyable afternoon at College, where our Deptt. was celebrating teachers' day only today, I came back home only at 5.30 in the evening. Though the event made me have a lot of fun, thanks to its great performances and interesting games and contests with teachers, The final thoughts that were occupyinng my mind were something else.
I was particularly in awe of one of the Hosts. Now He was a first year student, yet he was so confident. And the way he interacted with teachers made me and my room mate Rahul feel ashamed of ourselves. We realised we hardly did any progress in our College since school days, and While we were coming back, We had this long discussion on how we should also try to develop our communication skills and also really get down to some serious studies without anymore dilly-dallying.

Coming back to room, I slept straight away. Around 7.45, Tarun, my second room-mate woke me up. When asked the reason, he exclaimed "Abe results aa gaye hain! Jaldi uth!". I squealed like a Pig and literally jumped out of my bed. With in 10 mins, We were on our way to the University where the results were diplayed.

This was the first time I was going to Uni to check the results for myself. When i reached the venue, the ambience was maddeningly chaotic. When i went near the crowd that was literally stamping on each other to search for their roll no., I was automatically pushed in. Only I know how i managed to get out of it.

An hour and several failed attempts later, The crowd began to disperse after satisfying their quest to know their "just desserts" and I got a chance to look for my name. 'B.H.HARSH'

Ajay Shukla
Arpita Ghosh
Avantika Singh
Chandan Kumar


My heart skipped a beat there! Shocked to even react, I went through the list again, only to find my name missing. This time, I realised I was just fooling myself. I quickly went back to my friends, and asked Rahul for phone. I called up my mummy asap. I wasnt expecting anything less of a bringing-house-down kinda thrashing, and I got exactly that. This was one of the very few ones however I have ever heard so much from Mummy, and thats precisely the reason why I just kept shut and listened to her. Thats a rare occasion, honestly.

Very obviously hurt, Mummy pin-pointed everything which I did in those 6 months of my 4rth semester. From the Gomolo work I took upon in excess, to the countless trips I made to Mumbai, (one of them just a day before my final exam). From the phone calls She saw me making at home several hrs a day to the late night chatting sessions on messenger. Everything according to her was the reason for my failure. And may be, She isnt wrong either.
But honestly, even if I'd studied in last one month, I'd survived. But then, as Mummy asked me, WHY THE HELL DIDNT I STUDY THEN ??

May be Only I have its answer, and still I am speechless. God and his tricky games, you know.

I came back to room with a sandwich and soft-drink (certainly wasnt in a mood to break those hard chapatis). And what was the first thing I do ?? I switch on my Laptop and login to orkut. I am missing my Game at FILMI FREAK CARNIVAL, you see.

I failed to understand myself that Why was i so unaffected by such a big failure. I failed in an exam, for god's sake! And still, I care for a game just because I was committed to play it at that time. But then, this is what Love does to You, I guess :)

Funnily enough, This reminded me of Raj Kapoor's trauma in 'Mera Naam Joker' where he had to perform a gag just within a few moments after seeing the face of her dead mother.
Lols, look at me. I've just flunked in my exams, and that too reminds me of Movies. Hopeless fellow!
(That reminds me, I also remembered my favourite film 'Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa' and its protagonist, as I found my name missing in the list of passed students. I tell You, You wont get shameless freaks than me. :D)

My friends on net tried to cheer me up and boost my morale. Even Veena, one of my close friends here at College, did her best to cheer me up (though what she did more was to express how shocked she was!), But I guess that wouldnt help the cause now anyways. I continued playing the game without any sadness on my sleeves.. Though I wasnt low anyways, but I guess the frustration showed up in the last round, and I argued with Divs sir. A while after the game, I told sir about my results. And He called me instantly.

He made the typical routine queries like "How ?? When ?? Why ??", very unintentionally though. But soon, We settled on our fav. topic - MOVIES!
We discussed all the topics of the game I played, and Here I was more frank without hurting him this time. And since It was after long, I was enjoying it even more. It reminded me of the good old days, where in the sheer silence of the night, I used to to-and-fro on the terrace, while trying my best NOT to be visible to the oft-appearing Cops from nowhere who were roaming on streets like Rowdies on the name of Vigilance.

Soon, I realised that I had completely forgotten the supposed setback I faced a few hours ago. But then, This made me realise my basic trait - I somehow dont take life and its hardships seriously ever. That works both as a boon and a curse, depending on the circumstances.

And thats what made me realise that This is what I Really Enjoy! I am not cut out for anything else but something or the other related to MOVIES! As silly and over-ambitious it may sound, but How i wish I could get a job as a small-time film journalist as in right now, and live peacefully with no regrets or complaints with my work what-so-ever.

And I dont wanna land up somewhere I am not interested even a wee bit. So that leads to what i think I shall aim in the coming months.

SYMBIOSIS INSTITUTE OF MASS COMMUNICATION!

Now I know its one helluva tough job to make through its GD and Interview rounds, And being an aimless dumb guy, Its too high an aim for me at the outset.
But I guess I am not capable of doing anything either :)

Help me God. I Need your Blessings. To not let Mummy down ever again. But more importantly, To feel good about myself for a change. :)

Amen!


P.S. - Dont be surprised, If You dont find regular updates here. Although I will try my best to suprise you. ;) Cheers!

4 comments:

Starkiss said...

hmmmm...well harsh..many people pass through this at some point in their life..mainly i guess if they are doing something they are not really interested in....
but the thing is perseverance... u chose a subject you r not interested in really, but still you must do ur best ;).. so tht later on thr wont be a regret...like--> i didnt do well coz i didnt like it... !!
its a really bad excuse for not doing well... i know it.. :D ..also gone through tht..
coz at the end of the day.. you know deeply.. that you could have doen better lest you made a little effort ;) ..!!

anyways.. what done is done.. now time to think of future !! :P !!

And keep ur love for movies.. :D ..
...we do learn from them..as well ;)

Hope you make it great in hwatever you LOVE...later on :)

.................. said...

hmm teachers day on 10th sept...strange...kaafi slow colz hai :D ... hehe thats a common feeling to see someone communicate so well on stage and we not able to do even 1% of it ...specially for me who considers stage fear as big problem ;) ...hehe me yet to check results in uni directly...shayad future mein karna pade ;)...though its more heartbreaking to find ur name not there then to find F(Fail not other F)written on net result ;) ... How your mummmy reacts is altogether different thing varies from person to person..some parents are supportive,some feel bad and show anger..luckily my parents never showed anged at me whenever i failed :p .... infact i feel this anger is not required also...you cant do anything if a person fails...everyone fails in life atleast once...whats the deal ;) ...waise bhi kisi ne kaha hai jab tak hum girenge nahi toh uthenge kaise ... :p FF was just a way to divert mind from results...all do this when results dont go in favour.. just matter of few days and life back to same track... hehe symbiosis is a good idea..but keep more alternatives...either more mass comm colleges else some mba colz..as symbi's gd n interviews arent that tough as u are making it out but thing is selection procedure is such that many many ppl come and very few seats available so that makes it tougher to get admission...else nothing tough...snap test is more tough then gd n interview :D and remember dec 21 se jan 25 tak 1 month 4 days to prepare for gd n interview..more than enough...imp to prepare dec 21 first ;)

Unknown said...

umm....i really dont know wat to say....dunno somwhere i was looking 4 dat asterisk '*' saying it was jst a prank...
but as it is said....nthg happens widout a reason....may be its an indication 4 u to know ur strenghts n ur weaknesses....wat is it u really want to do...not wat others want u to do...n i guess u hv found ur area of interest....now the only thg left is to set that 'one goal'...wat i feel is until n unless u set that one aim its almost impossible to achieve it...n once u r clear abt it....den dere is nthg to stop u:)
i really loved the spirit u kept all the while....dis is one among the rare qualities....make sure to keep it alive 4ever....n den come wat may u wil alwyz gonna be a winner:)
do tk cr.....god bless

Prachi said...

i think u've already got 2 long comments. i dont need to reiterate any of them. i m too numb. actually i cant make out wat u going thru... and thts wat i wud say....

peek into ur mind and heart and believe in urself. m not too sure abt the snap thing, as i've already told u, u r not cut for an MBA or for tht matter any acad intensive career. but m sure, at the end of the day u'll come out victorious. :)

DARE TO DREAM AND LIVE FOR IT!!
ALL D BEST >:d<